I Broke Down In Tears
steffani

I Broke Down In Tears

Yesterday I broke down in tears. It was a long day with the kids. Zoe got mad and threw something that hit me in the face. That’s what triggered it but not why I cried. I cried because I fell into an old pattern. An old story that used to creep up on me all the time. That story is…”it’s really hard to parent my kids.” 

And here’s all the evidence I’ve built up behind that story:

They’re explosive. 

They fight a lot. 

They have a hard time in school. 

They never stop moving. Or taking. Or whining. 

They are very needy. 

And just exhausting. 

That story took over as I cried in my room. With a lot of self defeating thoughts. 

“This is too hard.”

“I’m not good at this.”

“They’re so hard to parent.”

“Why can’t this be easier?” 

“I’m a terrible mom!”

These feelings swept over me. But not for long. I’ve been doing this work for too long to let this old pattern reemerge. I know not to believe and buy into the thoughts that don’t serve me. I can use them as fuel to make positive change. In this instance to create some boundaries with Zoe around how she treats people. But I can’t let stressful thoughts spiral out of control. Or they’ll start to define me. They’ll define us. 

“It’s the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Aristotle was right. When we know how to let the thoughts that don’t serve us pass us by we can find more peace and love the people closest to us. 

This is powerful work we’re up to. Feel it. Honor it. But then don’t believe it. Choose the thoughts that empower you and support your growth. They’re always available. 

Believe in yourself, but not in your thoughts.  I believe in you,

 

Why Do We Suffer?
steffani

Why Do We Suffer?

The reason we suffer is because we think the world should operate differently than it does.

We believe people should do what WE think they should do.
We think things should unfold in our favor. Always.
And that things should be easier than they are. 

We’re ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves. This ‘shoulding’ is the root of our stress. Not the actual events.  Or the people. Or the words.  When we have radical acceptance for life and really unconditionally love everyone around us, our world changes.  We begin to see everything as perfect. Even the “problems”. Even the pain and suffering. Even the Pandemic. Even the trauma. 

When we radically accept our world and our circumstances we find peace. When we sit with all experiences as the truth of that they are completely perfect for the unfolding of our soul experience, then we find not only peace but bliss. 

Can you get a glimpse of this? Life gets easier when we get here.

It’s our birthright.  Life is not about suffering.  It’s about radical acceptance, finding our inner strength, and finding as much joy along the journey as possible.  Life is too precious to be spent suffering.  

Let me know if you need help with this. #nextlevellife

Releasing Doubt
steffani

Releasing Doubt

I used to question everything.  I used to feel uncertain all the time.  I used to doubt my every move.  Am I living in the right place? Working at the right job? Dating the right guy? Am I kind enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?  Am I talented? What is my passion? Do I have what it takes? My mind was consumed with these thoughts of ‘not enough ness’ and thoughts of doubt and uncertainty. 

Then one day, 15 years ago, I had an epiphany.  And it came from a source I NEVER imagined it would. It came from a psychic!  (Hang on…let me explain……) 

First of all, this wasn’t just any psychic reading, it was with a world renowned psychic and spiritual teacher Sonia Choquette.  She lived near me in Chicago.   I had been studying her work and similar teachers for years not even sure if I believed in all this at first but was fascinated by it.  Fifteen years ago she did readings in person at her house.  I had a friend who went to see her and loved it so I booked one.  It was expensive (like $500 which seems like nothing now) but I trusted it would be worth it. 

At the reading she said she would share with me what karma I had brought into this lifetime, any spiritual blocks I had up in this lifetime and my life’s purpose.  WHAT?!  I mean who wouldn’t pay $500 to know their life’s purpose?! So I walked in the room, said hello, and she started talking.  She only knew my name and my birthdate.  I said nothing else.  She told me some amazing things.  I could go through the whole reading and you would be blown away by some of the accuracy.  But that’s not what this is about.  This is about my take away from the reading.  It’s about how it changed me. 

My big takeaway was this….

Everything in my life was unfolding exactly as it should.  EVERYTHING.  Who I was dating was meant to be.  Where I lived was meant to be.  What I was doing was meant to be.  Hell the fries I had for lunch were meant to be.  EVERYTHING.  My life was unfolding exactly as it should be and it was unfolding perfectly for the progression of my soul. 

The minute I left the basement office of her house I was a changed person.  I sat in my car in tears over all I had heard. over all I woke up too and all I realized. And my doubt was gone.  All of it.  I knew with certainty that my life was meant to be exactly as it was.  No mistakes.  No missed steps, no missed opportunities.  And…that I could shape it anyway I chose to. 

Now here’s the fun part. My friend who went to the reading and the friends I referred to her later didn’t have a similar experience.  Quite the opposite.  They wanted to hear and feel and wake up to the same things I did but their readings were VERY different. 

About 6 months later I was telling my friend about the reading and my breakthrough and I remembered I had the whole thing on tape.  I had a small cassette tape that I recorded the reading on so I pulled it out and we listened.  We were both astonished.  Not at the accuracy of the reading but by the lack of guidance that led to my breakthrough.  My friend couldn’t see AT ALL how I had found my big AH HA.  She couldn’t see why I left there and released all my self doubt or why I now had a new sense of purpose and certainty and I couldn’t either.  The truth of what I realized was…..I gave that to myself.  

It’s not the experiences we have that determine our reality. Nothing has deep breakthroughs or deep meaning unless we CHOOSE it. We CHOOSE the meaning. I chose to have a breakthrough.  I CHOSE to see my life was unfolding exactly as it should be.  I CHOSE to release all my self doubt and embrace my life in a new way.  We choose the meaning. We choose our breakthroughs.  We choose our reality. 

We also choose our doubts, our fears, our limits and what keeps us stuck. You don’t need a world renowned psychic to tell you that your life is unfolding perfectly.  Neither did I.  We can accept and embrace that at any time.  Actually let me help you…. 

YOUR LIFE IS UNFOLDING EXACTLY AS IT’S MEANT TO,  EXACTLY AS YOU NEED IT TO FOR THE PROGRESSION OF YOUR SOUL.

There.  Now you know.  And all your doubt is released and gone. Now what.  Now what will you do with this one wild and precious life? 

I made big changes after my epiphany but they were all internal to start. I let go.  I let God.  I stayed in flow.  I stopped doubting.  I started living.  I said YES more often.  I questioned nothing my heart said.  I focused on what I DID want.  I launched bigger dreams.  I  believed more –  in me,  in my life. in my path and in my purpose. 

It was a life changing reading but not for the reasons that I saw at first. What do you need to let go of?  What do you need to choose next?