How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away
steffani

How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away

If you read my blog last week about Why Moms Need To Travel  you know I’m an advocate of Moms traveling solo. I travel for work and pleasure often.  And have found a WONDERFUL way to prepare the kids, and our whole family for my time away.  (Tips on Mommy guilt coming later…)

Here are some of the tools I’ve used that have made traveling a LOT easier.

First and foremost spend LOTS of one on one time with them before you leave.Need I say more?  If you’re a parent you get it.

 

I buy a dollar store gift for every day I’m gone.  It helps them get excited to get out of bed and my husband has really easy mornings with them when they have this to look forward to and keep them busy.  They usually contain simple games, or an easy dot to dot coloring book, or painting project.  They love them.  Quick warning…husbands don’t like Silly String 🙂

 

In a jar with a label I leave 1 kiss for each kid for each day that I’m away.  This way when there are only a few left they know I’ll be home soon.  And they know I’m thinking of them and this is my “KISS”.

 

I can’t leave without a detailed spreadsheet for everyone who will be helping out.  It includes their daily schedule, their morning, afterschool and evening routines.  Everyone and anyone’s phone numbers, including friends parents for play dates.  All of their activities are on there.  Who’s picking up who when.  AND their logins for certain apps or websites they might use.  Like ABC Mouse or Lexia Core.

spreadsheet

 

I can’t forget about my first love. 🙂  I leave daily cards or notes for my husband so he knows how grateful I am for him while he’s doing extra duties around the house and with the kids.  I’ve left little notes in our shower or bathroom and full handwritten cards and letters.  Sometimes I ask the kids to give them to him once I’m gone in a nice box so they have that to look forward to the day I leave.

 

I always ask my kids to give me one of their “lovies” or stuffed animals while I travel.  So I can take photos of where I am and show them what I’m up to.  They know that I snuggle these lovies at night and think about them all the time.  These lovies have more fun then the average person.  🙂  One time they were dancing on stage in front of hundreds of people.  The kids LOVED it.

 

Once I started doing all of this when I went out of town it was a LOT easier to leave.  My kids don’t whine about it.  They actually look forward to it. 🙂

I always return with a present or a treat.  And even if they miss me while I’m gone they have a lot of reinforcement that I’m thinking of them and that I’ll be back soon.

Will my kids be ok while I’m away?

The answer is HELL YES they will.

Now for those Moms who are longing to travel but still feel their kids will not be ok without them.  I can tell you from experience it has HELPED my kids.  They realize that they don’t need me for everything. They’re more self-reliant when I’m gone.  I feel it’s ok for kids to miss someone.  It doesn’t break them like we fear.  They’re stronger than we know.  A few days away is just a blip on the radar in their long and beautiful lives.  It’s important for me to teach my kids how to handle challenging situations. How to get by and manage the day without me over their shoulder.  And it teaches them how to have reverence for something, to be grateful when something returns, with gifts. 🙂  When I travel alone it helps them learn all of that.   It has really enhanced our lives.   I hope this enhances yours.

 
Loving this life and travel,

Steffani
Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com

How to recover from an EPIC mom fail …
steffani

How to recover from an EPIC mom fail …

Hello friends,

Recently I booked a special trip with my 8 year old son Jack.  We were going to Cancun, Mexico to meet up with friends of mine and help on a service trip.  We were spending 3 days helping to support a Dad with 3 boys and rebuild their house and their lives.

We were SO excited.  Jack was excited to finally join me on some of my favorite work.  And I was excited for Jack to meet some of the most inspiring people in my life and some of my favorite friends.  For him to be in that energy was a dream come true for me.

I woke up at 5 am, bags were packed, grabbed our passports and O! M! G!   My sons passport was expired!!!!!!

Holy SHIT!

Worst Mom EVER.
Worst day EVER.

Have you ever had one of those epic mom fails?  Probably not as big as this one.  This makes missing Zoe’s first recital because you got the day wrong look like peanuts.  Or leaving the hockey equipment at home when you arrive at an away game look like a slight oversight.  Totally forgivable.

This. THIS was a fail of EPIC proportion.

At first I was just going to stay home with him.  Forget the trip all together. How could I possibly go WITHOUT him?  This was planned for US, not just me.  But I was bringing important equipment down for the experience.  More people shouldn’t have to suffer from my fail.

As the reality of the situation hit me I started to shut down.  I went to the airport, found the nearest bathroom and wept.

Why is this happening?
Did I make the right decision?
How could I let this happen?
Will he ever forgive me?
Will my husband ever forgive me?
How can I recover from this?

I wiped my tears, settled down on my flight and made a plan.

Here’s how I chose to recover from this EPIC Mom Fail:

#1.  Stay in the present moment. 
Thinking about what SHOULD have been or could have been was not healthy.  I had to try and stay in the present moment.

#2. Close your eyes and forgive. 
Beating myself up about it wouldn’t help anyone.  It would only make me frustrated, upset and irritable.

#3. Let it go and TRUST the Universe has a bigger plan. 
Elsa is a genius.  When I let it go I started to see why this was meant to be.  As the days unfolded I realized how much more I could do with Jack not there.  It didn’t make up for the missed experience with him but it did profoundly impact these boys lives in a much bigger way than I could have with Jack along.

#4. Safeguard your happiness.
When I first arrived, even with this plan, I was sulking.  All I could do was look around and think about how much better it would be with Jack there.  How much fun he would have.  How it would impact him.  I had to shake it off and do things to bring myself joy.  A walk on the beach.  Morning yoga.  Laughing with friends.  A margarita the size of my head.  Whatever it takes.  Focus on your happiness because it’s your JOB and your job only.  No one else will.

#5.  Make a new plan. 
I talked with Jack and asked him “what can I do to make this up to you?”  We had an overnight in the city, he got a hamster (ewwww, major sacrifice) and there was a visit to Chuckie Cheese (even bigger sacrifice!!!!)  Jack forgave me.  And we’re excited to plan another trip to go on together.

I hope you don’t ever have a Mom fail of epic proportion.  But if you do follow these steps and you’ll hopefully get on the other side of it a little faster.

Share with me, what was YOUR epic Mom fail? Because we’re all in this together and I could use the camaraderie. 🙂

Loving this life, fails and all,
Steffani

How I Overcame “Bad Mom” Syndrome
steffani

How I Overcame “Bad Mom” Syndrome

I was recently reflecting on my happiness. I’m a happiness coach so this comes natural to me. I realized that I was really happy in many areas of my life. I’m in great shape. I have a fulfilling career. Two happy healthy kids. The spouse of my dreams. A great social life. My husband and I were getting along great. So what was that lingering feeling that was giving me anxiety? Like I accidentally had a triple espresso. You know that heart flutter and unease that can come and go? Diving deeper I realized it was my parenting.

I have read every book out there on parenting. You name it….positive discipline, mindful parenting, simplicity parenting, whole brain child. I read baby books, toddler books, sleep books, routine books, everything. But that lingering anxiety was still there. And I finally honed in on the fact that it was a deep fear creeping up. That fear? Bad Mom Syndrome. I think a lot of women have a deep fear of being a ‘bad mom’. Having kids who misbehave. Yelling at our kids. Feeding them sugar, wheat, non-organic food. Too much TV. Too much technology. Not enough road trips and bike rides.

Now that I was aware of my big fear it was time to address it. Where did it come from? And how was it affecting me? I realized I was letting it control my life. When my kids had a meltdown, yep, fear manifest. They’re melting down because I don’t know what I’m doing. They misbehave, un-huh, there you go, I’m a bad mom. They don’t listen, yep, these books don’t’ work, I’m clueless, I need help. They’re out of control, they don’t eat, fear manifest.

Luckily, awareness is the key. When I became aware of this deep fear, this limiting belief that was running my life, now I can do something about it. Step one, look at my reactions to my kids perceived behavior. Was I reacting from my higher self? Or from my bad mom fear? Hmmmm. Let’s see, I’m yelling at them and grabbing them by the arm like a lunatic. Yep, bad mom fear. Next how can I change it? For me, that came down one big shift.

Radical acceptance.

How can I radically accept my parenting?

I looked deeply at my strengths and highlighted those. And looked at my weaknesses. And stopped trying to change those. I might not be an all organic, whole food, sugar free Mom and I’m okay with that. I might give my kids an iPad in the car or to running errands and I’m ok with that too. The stress comes from feeling bad about it. Wanting it to be different. Next…

How can I radically accept my kids?

In all their perfect imperfections. Can I accept them as the perfect messy 3 year old and the bold fearless 6 year old that they are? Is it ok if they don’t take a bath every night? Yes. Why did I ever think differently? Maybe the 52 parenting books I read actually took away my ability to listen to my guidance and make my own decisions.

The most empowering decision I ever made in my parenting was to stop seeking advice. And start trusting my own instincts. Focus on my strengths, on what I’m good at, on what I can do. And really accept those areas that I need some work. So what If I don’t take both of my kids swimming when I’m alone. I’ll get over it. And the more I accept who they are like the perfection in every sunset. The better we all experience life. Syndrome cured.

Here’s how you overcome Bad Mom Syndrome.

Step 1. Awareness

Awareness is the key. When I became aware of this deep fear, this limiting belief that was running my life, now I can do something about it. I was aware of my reactions to my kids perceived behavior. Was I reacting from my higher self? Or from my bad mom fear? Hmmmm. Let’s see, I’m yelling at them and grabbing them by the arm like a lunatic. Yep, bad mom fear. Yikes. How can I change that?

Step 2. Radical acceptance

How can I radically accept my parenting?

I looked deeply at my strengths and highlighted those. And looked at my weaknesses. And stopped trying to change those. I might not be an all organic, whole food, sugar free Mom and I’m okay with that. I might give my kids an iPad in the car or to running errands and I’m ok with that too. The stress comes from feeling bad about it. Wanting it to be different. Next…

How can I radically accept my kids?

In all their perfect imperfections. Can I accept them as the perfect messy 3 year old and the bold fearless 6 year old that they are? Is it ok if they don’t take a bath every night? Yes. Why did I ever think differently? Maybe the 52 parenting books I read actually took away my ability to listen to my guidance and make my own decisions.

Step 3. Trust YOU

The most empowering decision I ever made in my parenting was to stop seeking advice. And start trusting my own instincts. Focus on my strengths, on what I’m good at, on what I can do. And really accept those areas that I need some work. So what If I don’t take both of my kids swimming when I’m alone. I’ll get over it. And the more I really accept who my kids are like I do the perfection in every sunset, the better we all experience life.

Syndrome cured.