I Never Wanted Kids
steffani

I Never Wanted Kids

I’m ashamed to tell you…

I never wanted to have kids.

I was 38 when I had Jack. And 40 when I had Zoe.

I was afraid I would be a bad mom.

I was afraid I’d yell at them… and I do.

I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to raise them….and I don’t.

I was afraid it would all be too much for me to handle…. and it is.

What I didn’t know was how much I needed kids.

I didn’t know that they chose me. That they were on their way. That I needed them for the progression of my soul. I needed them to show me my weaknesses. And create more strength than I ever thought possible.

I needed them to trigger me, and push me past my limits and stretch me outside of my comfort zone. So that I could expand into the woman I now am. So that I could learn to deal with more hard things and teach others how to deal with more hard things. So that I would finally know what it’s like to love someone to the depths of your soul. So that I would find little things funny again. And jump and skip and play tag again.

I needed them to push my relationship too. So that we would learn how to love each other differently. And how to be together through IT ALL. And I mean IT ALL. Tireless nights with a colicky baby, pneumonia, night terrors, constipation, umbilical hernias and then, bad teachers, bad decisions, broken hearts, more constipation, and homework.

Its only been 9 years and we’ve experienced so much together. These 9 years have felt longer than most. The days can feel so long. Longer than the days I was volunteering in a 3rd world country.

But I’m realizing now that I needed this. All of this. The yelling, the crying, the fights, the homework battles, the tears, the sorrow, the swear words. AND the joy, the laughter, the playing, the sweetness, the kisses the fun.

It all enhances my life more than I ever imagined possible.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Why Workshops DON’T Work and What Does
steffani

Why Workshops DON’T Work and What Does

I’m a personal growth JUNKIE. 

If I could actually add up all the workshops, conferences, speakers and retreats I’ve been to over the course of my life, you’d be concerned.  And you should be.

There’s no end to the madness.  I just attended what feels like my 800th  workshop this past weekend.

I sat, in a hotel banquet room, with 33 other participants for fourteen hours a day for five straight days.

We got very little sleep.  No sunlight.  Only hotel food.  And little to no exercise.

This event was a struggle for me.

I couldn’t sit still.  I found myself constantly planning my next brief escape.  Looking for any excuse to get out of the room.  To go the bathroom.  To refill my water.  To get some coffee.  (I don’t even drink coffee) To scour the hotel for dark chocolate.

I’ve been attending events like this for the last 25 years.  MANY per year.  All over the world. 

And I’m setting a declaration right now that this will be my LAST.    

Sure these events serve a purpose.  And 25 years ago I LOVED every minute of them.  I was happy to sit in that banquet room.  To meet other like-minded people.  To soak up the wisdom of some guru or follow some format and structure to help me in some area of my life.

Do they work?  Yes….
Is there a better way?  HELL YES!

What I realized at this event is that I now crave something different.

Of course, I’ll always be learning.  I’ll never stay stagnant and stop growing.  So there will be events I attend in the future.

But the events I’ll go to have to be different.

Here are some things they MUST have:

A beautiful atmosphere.
Excellent people.
Healthy food.
Time for exercise.
Time for reflection.
Unique processes.
Tons of value.
Teachers I admire.  And who are living a truly inspiring life.
An element of giving back.
Continued engagement.
Accountability.
Epic experiences.
And dark chocolate. 

Honestly, if an event doesn’t have all of these things I’m not going.

And I vow to you now that any events I host going forward will contain all of this and more.

Life is too short to spend more than a few hours in a hotel banquet room.

Our time here is SO precious.

When I look back over all the workshops I attended over the years, the most memorable ones were NOT spent in hotel banquet room all day long.  It’s just not conducive.

Who learns that way?

I know I don’t.  I learn from experience.  From connection.  From conversation. 

Not from a multitude of information being thrown at me under forced air vents and fluorescent lighting, all while I struggle to stay awake.

When I did attend events like that the magic of the event usually happened in the hallway.  Or over dinner.  Or from the friendships that were formed along the way.

I think it’s time we raised our standards.  And appealed to ALL learning types.  Why not portray the life we’re actually promising?

And another ‘problem’ with these events is they don’t create change.

A one-time event whether it’s a few hours or 5 days doesn’t create change if there aren’t elements in place to create that change.  For me, that element has to be continued engagement and accountability.  If there’s no one to check in with me to see if I’m doing all that was taught to me, will I actually do it?  Most likely not.

I’ll get back home and life will happen and I won’t have time to implement it all. 

I can tell you from decades of experience as an attendee and from hosting dozens of my own events.

There’s a better way. 

I encourage you to set some of your own guidelines for events you’ll attend in the future.  What are some of your MUST haves?

A great atmosphere?
Speakers of high integrity?
Quality food?
Uplifting people?
A beautiful atmosphere?
An element of freedom?
Accountability?
Dark chocolate?

Define what it is for YOU.  Because YOU are what matters.  No amount of suffering through an experience that’s not custom designed for you will serve you. 

next level life mastermindIf you ARE looking for a quality experience that has all the elements that I mentioned above and more then I invite you to apply for my Next Level Life Mastermind.

This is not a one-off event. (Because those don’t work) It’s a 6-month long accountability program that has 2 luxury retreats and more transformation than would ever imagine possible.  It’s the coaching, the community and the accountability you’ll need to take your life to the next level.  If it feels like a hell yes… apply here.

To your BEST life,
Steffani

 

How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away
steffani

How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away

If you read my blog last week about Why Moms Need To Travel  you know I’m an advocate of Moms traveling solo. I travel for work and pleasure often.  And have found a WONDERFUL way to prepare the kids, and our whole family for my time away.  (Tips on Mommy guilt coming later…)

Here are some of the tools I’ve used that have made traveling a LOT easier.

First and foremost spend LOTS of one on one time with them before you leave.Need I say more?  If you’re a parent you get it.

 

I buy a dollar store gift for every day I’m gone.  It helps them get excited to get out of bed and my husband has really easy mornings with them when they have this to look forward to and keep them busy.  They usually contain simple games, or an easy dot to dot coloring book, or painting project.  They love them.  Quick warning…husbands don’t like Silly String 🙂

 

In a jar with a label I leave 1 kiss for each kid for each day that I’m away.  This way when there are only a few left they know I’ll be home soon.  And they know I’m thinking of them and this is my “KISS”.

 

I can’t leave without a detailed spreadsheet for everyone who will be helping out.  It includes their daily schedule, their morning, afterschool and evening routines.  Everyone and anyone’s phone numbers, including friends parents for play dates.  All of their activities are on there.  Who’s picking up who when.  AND their logins for certain apps or websites they might use.  Like ABC Mouse or Lexia Core.

spreadsheet

 

I can’t forget about my first love. 🙂  I leave daily cards or notes for my husband so he knows how grateful I am for him while he’s doing extra duties around the house and with the kids.  I’ve left little notes in our shower or bathroom and full handwritten cards and letters.  Sometimes I ask the kids to give them to him once I’m gone in a nice box so they have that to look forward to the day I leave.

 

I always ask my kids to give me one of their “lovies” or stuffed animals while I travel.  So I can take photos of where I am and show them what I’m up to.  They know that I snuggle these lovies at night and think about them all the time.  These lovies have more fun then the average person.  🙂  One time they were dancing on stage in front of hundreds of people.  The kids LOVED it.

 

Once I started doing all of this when I went out of town it was a LOT easier to leave.  My kids don’t whine about it.  They actually look forward to it. 🙂

I always return with a present or a treat.  And even if they miss me while I’m gone they have a lot of reinforcement that I’m thinking of them and that I’ll be back soon.

Will my kids be ok while I’m away?

The answer is HELL YES they will.

Now for those Moms who are longing to travel but still feel their kids will not be ok without them.  I can tell you from experience it has HELPED my kids.  They realize that they don’t need me for everything. They’re more self-reliant when I’m gone.  I feel it’s ok for kids to miss someone.  It doesn’t break them like we fear.  They’re stronger than we know.  A few days away is just a blip on the radar in their long and beautiful lives.  It’s important for me to teach my kids how to handle challenging situations. How to get by and manage the day without me over their shoulder.  And it teaches them how to have reverence for something, to be grateful when something returns, with gifts. 🙂  When I travel alone it helps them learn all of that.   It has really enhanced our lives.   I hope this enhances yours.

 
Loving this life and travel,

Steffani
Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com