The #1 Skill You Need In Parenting
steffani

The #1 Skill You Need In Parenting

Have you ever thought about PROJECTION?  How you may project your ideas, opinions, feelings or unreasonable expectations onto others.  Especially our kids?!  

Well you might not have thought about it that way. Or maybe you have. But either way, we do it.  

We use our past experience and our childhood to ‘predict’ how our kids are FEELING. And we try and manipulate their reality to shape the story we have of what it should be.  

Sounds crazy I know. But we do it… ALL THE TIME.  

Check out this video where I share the #1 most important skill you need in parenting.  And how we PROJECT all over the place. 

video placeholder

If you’re not ‘into’ video.  Here are the cliff notes…  

When we project our values, opinions, feelings, and expectations onto our kids we always come out disappointed. The key to changing this is to PAUSE. Stop and reflect on what you’re doing and how that’s affecting your child’s experience. And your own. I share a few examples of how I used the pause approach in my own life to help you see where it can be highly effective.  

Similar to the PAUSE is the #1 most important skill you need in parenting. And that is to learn how to STOP. To stop yourself in your tracks and respond instead of reacting.  

I know it sounds hard or damn near impossible to do that at the moment when your kid just told you to ‘go F yourself”. But it is possible. It’s not only possible it’s necessary. For us to stay sane and for them to stay alive.  

More stories about how this is possible and some great questions from some awesome Mamas in the training video. 

I’d love to hear what comes up for you.  Have you been projecting?  Do you need to pause more?  Have you learned the amazing magic of STOPPING in your tracks and responding versus reacting?  Leave me a comment. I’d love to connect with you. 

Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem
steffani

Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem

You don’t have a behavior problem. Listen. I know it feels that way. I know it looks and sounds like the one thing you need is for your son or daughter to “behave”. But I promise you, you don’t have a behavior problem.

You don’t have a homework problem.

Or a sibling fighting too much problem.

Or even a backtalk problem.

Yea. From an outside point of view, I see how it can look that way. And how it might feel that way to you. But that’s not the problem. Your kid’s behavior actually has nothing to do with it. It can feel that way. Oh boy, can it feel that way.  It’s so frustrating. It’s so hard. It’s so messy. It can raise our stress level from 1-10 instantly. But I promise you. It’s not your kids’ behavior that’s the problem.

The problem is you. Bottom line is… you haven’t done the work.

I know that sounds harsh but hear me out. When we don’t work on our foundation, on feeling mentally, emotionally and physically strong and when we don’t have our thoughts mastered, our feelings on point and our triggers in check, then we haven’t done all we can do to show up in the world as the best parent we can be.

It’s not their fault. It’s ours. Our kids respond to our behavior and their behavior is a language.  Am I saying that when our kids explode and are whiny and needy and talkback that it’s our fault? Yes. I’m saying that and MORE. The women that I work with prove one major thing to be true:

When we do the inner work and build a strong, solid foundation, we find the inner peace. The presence. The JOY.

And guess what? No one else changed. Just us.

When we do the work on US, we change our perspective and therefore our reality. When we do the work we can then build anything we want on that solid foundation. We get strong. And aware. And proactive. We start consciously creating a life we really truly wholeheartedly love.

It’s not pretty. It takes work. It’s ugly at first. It’s messy in the middle. But it’s gorgeous at the end. And in the end, we see our kid’s behavior in a completely different light. It’s just a language. Telling us what we need to work on.

Are you ready to do the work? Message me

Why Moms Need to Travel …
steffani

Why Moms Need to Travel …

I know this will ruffle some feathers. We’ve all witnessed the soccer field conversations where Moms wear their loyalty like a badge of honor and try and one-up each other about who has gone longer without leaving their kids.  I hate that game, I always lose instantly. I love to travel alone.  And I have two young kids.  So I’ve heard it all.

The judgments.  “How can you leave for that long? Kids need their Mommy”. (Said by my Mom MANY times by the way.)

The passive aggressive comments. “Oh, I could never leave my kids.  I would just miss them too much.” (Oh and I apparently am not as loving is that what you mean?)

And the Moms who long for it.  “God I would love to do that.  Teach me how.”

I’m not here to convert anyone.  Or tell anyone how they should parent.  I’m just here to share my beliefs and to inspire the few who might be longing for more to take action on that desire and book a trip.

I believe that Moms should travel.  IF they’re longing for it.   IF it interests them. IF there are things that they’re really excited about and places they’re dying to visit.

Here’s why I travel…..

I travel to be a better person. 

I mainly travel to conferences and personal growth experiences.  So I mean that very literally. But even when I’ve traveled just purely for pleasure I feel like I grow as a person and as a Mom.

I travel to have time to deeply look at my life.

When I’m away I have new mental clarity for the vision I have for my life.  I always end up texting my husband some deep, meaningful messages filled with gratitude and big dreams and he always comments….”  you’re in your travel state of mind.” He’s right. Because when I’m away and not dealing with all the logistics of parenting I have room to dream.

I travel to sleep through the night without getting up ONCE.

Not much to explain here.  If you have kids….you get it.

I travel to explore new cultures and have new experiences.

My life is enhanced by new experiences and I don’t consider a new store opening or a new movie coming out a NEW experience.

I travel to meet new people who are very different from me.

I have a friend named Juraj from Slovakia. He’s the smartest man I’ve ever know. And really positive. Really happy. Really healthy. We just click. I met him and his amazing girlfriend Jana at a conference years ago.  It’s one of the most beautiful friendships I’ve ever had. We’ve traveled together. My kids adore them. I couldn’t imagine my life without friends like this.  And I feel like I can only meet them when I travel.

I travel to allow my husband the chance to be fully in charge.

When we were new parents, we had a therapist tell us once. “Let your husband have one day a week by himself with your son.” It was the best advice we could have been given as new parents.  It really helped me to let go, and him to step up.  When I travel, I arrange A LOT, spreadsheets, sitters, rides to hockey games.  But my husband also has to do a LOT without me. And that is a good thing.

I travel to be more grateful. 

When I’m away, I long for what I have.  I’m always SO EXCITED to come home. I can’t wait to tackle my kids and fill their bodies with kisses. I can’t wait to tackle my husband and fill him with kisses. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed and drive my car and take a steam shower.  I love my life and am even MORE grateful for it when I come home from any length trip.

Mainly I travel to come back a new ME.    

A new and improved version of myself. Whether it’s an overnight in the city with my girlfriends or 9 days in Kuala Lumpur to teach a program, I return anew. How can I not? New experiences = New reality.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.  I say distance makes me a more patient, tolerant and loving mom.  It helps me have more reverence for this life I’ve created.  Even my son’s bedwetting, even my daughter’s potty mouth, even my Mom’s judgmental comments about my travels. I embrace life in a different way when I get home. And that alone makes it all so worth it.

Now, who wants to travel with me?

Steffani