How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away (Tips for Overcoming Mom Guilt)
steffani

How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away (Tips for Overcoming Mom Guilt)

I’m an advocate of Moms traveling solo. I travel for work often. Next week I’m leaving for Pula, Croatia to speak at Mindvalley University.  A dream I 

launched 2 years ago that is now coming true. This year I’m bringing my son. It will be his first trip overseas and our first trip just the 2 of us.  I know many Moms struggle with leaving their kids. I have found a WONDERFUL way to prepare the kids, and our whole family whenever I leave. (Tips on Mommy guilt coming later…)

Here are some of the tools I’ve used that have made traveling a LOT easier.

First and foremost spend LOTS of one on one time with them before you leave. Need I say more?  If you’re a parent you get it.

I buy a dollar store gift for every day I’m gone.  It helps them get excited to get out of bed and my husband has really easy mornings with them when they have this to look forward to and keep them busy.  They usually contain simple games, or an easy dot to dot coloring book or painting project.  They love them.  Quick warning…husbands don’t like Silly String 🙂

In a jar with a label, I leave 1 kiss for each kid for each day that I’m away.  This way when there are only a few left they know I’ll be home soon.  And they know I’m thinking of them and this is my “KISS”.

I can’t leave without a detailed spreadsheet for everyone who will be helping out.  It includes their daily schedule, their morning, afterschool and evening routines.  Everyone and anyone’s phone numbers, including friends parents for play dates.  All of their activities are on there.  Who’s picking up who when.  AND their logins for certain apps or websites they might use.  Like ABC Mouse or Lexia Core.

spreadsheet

I can’t forget about my first love. 🙂  I leave daily cards or notes for my husband so he knows how grateful I am for him while he’s doing extra duties around the house and with the kids.  I’ve left little notes in our shower or bathroom and full handwritten cards and letters.  Sometimes I ask the kids to give them to him once I’m gone in a nice box so they have that to look forward to the day I leave.

I always ask my kids to give me one of their “lovies” or stuffed animals while I travel.  So I can take photos of where I am and show them what I’m up to.  They know that I snuggle these lovies at night and think about them all the time.  These lovies have more fun then the average person.  🙂  One time they were dancing on stage in front of hundreds of people.  The kids LOVED it.

 

Once I started doing all of this when I went out of town it was a LOT easier to leave.  My kids don’t whine about it.  They actually look forward to it. 🙂

I always return with a present or a treat.  And even if they miss me while I’m gone they have a lot of reinforcement that I’m thinking of them and that I’ll be back soon.

Will my kids be ok while I’m away?

The answer is HELL YES they will.

Now for those Moms who are longing to travel but still feel their kids will not be ok without them.  I can tell you from experience it has HELPED my kids.  They realize that they don’t need me for everything. They’re more self-reliant when I’m gone.  I feel it’s ok for kids to miss someone.  It doesn’t break them like we fear.  They’re stronger than we know.  A few days away is just a blip on the radar in their long and beautiful lives.  It’s important for me to teach my kids how to handle challenging situations. How to get by and manage the day without me over their shoulder.  And it teaches them how to have reverence for something, to be grateful when something returns, with gifts. 🙂  When I travel alone it helps them learn all of that.   It has really enhanced our lives.   I hope this enhances yours.

Loving this life and travel,

Steffani

Suffering in silence…
steffani

Suffering in silence…

We’ve been going through a hard time as a family lately. (Public school issues mainly.)

I know my blog posts are normally only rainbows and butterflies. But I also know we all experience the highs and lows in life. We can never escape it. It’s gonna happen. We’ll lose loved ones. Fight with friends. Get kicked off a team. Have something lost or stolen. Break a bone. Or worse, have our heart broken. Especially as parents, we see injustice in the world. Far too often.

This. Is. Life. It’s bound to happen.

When I experience these things, which I do, ALL THE TIME. I tend to pull away from sharing. Not because I’m afraid or ashamed to share the shit and the trials and tribulations. But because I turn inward. And I have a habit of suffering in silence. Thinking no one will get it. Thinking that I may come off as negative or weak. Fearing that it will only make things worse if I speak of my troubles and stresses.

So today I put my coaching hat on and told myself what I would tell one of my clients.

Don't suffer in silence
Zoe and I

DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. Ask for the help you need.

Speak to your fears. Name and claim your stressful thoughts. And find someone to help you THROUGH them.

Don’t suffer in silence. Do the work it takes to get you on the other side of this tunnel. Ask for the help you need to see the light. Use all your tools and lean on your tribe so you can find your way and make it to the other side.

We don’t need to suffer in silence. And in my opinion that never works. If anything it only causes us to stuff it down and experience it again tenfold.

There are so many practices we can use to move THROUGH our suffering.

The Byron Katie Work (one of my faves that I do with all my clients but have a hard time doing for myself when I’m really in the soup.)

EFT or Tapping (simple and easy, search it on Youtube. but then you still have to DO IT)

Therapy, counseling, coaching (Duh)

Talk to a friend (Not just any friend. Not a friend who will just agree and say “wow yea that SUCKS” but a TRUTH friend who will show you how you can do better, help you turn your thoughts around and hold your hand until you’re on the other side.)

A 3 part solution I share with my clients in times like these:

(reminding myself of them now so I’ll use them)

Step 1. Focus on the END RESULT of what you DO want. Stop dwelling on and thinking about what you don’t want.

Step 2. Give it away to a higher power. We’re not alone here. Stop acting like it.

Step 3. Safeguard your happiness. Do everything and anything that brings you JOY. Laugh, make love, dance, have FUN because no amount of suffering ever got us on the other side of the tunnel.

Have you ever found yourself suffering in silence? What do you do to get through it?

Xxxx,

What our kids need/WE need most
steffani

What our kids need/WE need most

I SEE YOU.  I HEAR YOU.  YOU’RE VALUED.

This, in the end, is all our kids want from us.

They want a Mom who can be present enough to see them for who they are.  To listen to their truth.  (And sometimes their lies) and to love them for who they are.  Unconditionally. Even when they’re being “bad”.  Even when they’re making poor choices.  Even when they’re exploding or having meltdowns.

Our kids want this.  Our kids NEED this.  But we don’t give it to them.  

Why?

Because we don’t even give it to ourselves.

We don’t see ourselves and because we’re so filled with shame and self-judgments the only thing we have to offer our kids is a shell of ourselves.

Sure we can fake it.  And make everything look ok on the outside.  Put our game face on and make dinner while scrolling through social media and put our kids to bed sometimes peacefully and usually only after 2 glasses of wine.

Yea.  That works.  But not for long.

Because it will all come crashing down.  Like it has before.  It might show up differently every time.  It can be disguised as gaining weight over the holidays. Or shopping far too much and racking up the credit card bill.  Or not paying attention to our marriage and letting our sex life slip away while fighting more and dating each other less.

But once we come to see our own PERSONAL POWER and really SEE ourselves for who we are – powerful souls having a human experience – we can shape our lives any way we want. Admit it.  You know that’s in there.

Once we come to recognize, admit to and see our power then game over.  All the pain and suffering can end and we take our power back.  Only then can we GIVE it to our kids.  Only then can we truly transform our lives and stop living a different existence on the inside than on the outside.

Once I came face to face with my power.  It changed my life forever.  

It changed my marriage forever.
It changed my family forever.
It changed my business’s forever.
It changed my future forever.

But what changed? How was I able to access my higher self and start showing up in the world as who I really wanted to be?  

I started loving ME.
I started coming to know ME.
I started to forgive myself.
I started to understand myself.
I started to connect with that divine voice inside of me.
I started changing my stories and writing new ones.
I started creating a new personal reality.

So where do you start?

There are many places. But my invitation to you is to join me for my 5 Essential Shifts Livestream Series.  It’s 100% free.

These 5 shifts will help you:

~Uncover what’s not working, so you can finally shift that SH!T
~Discover your power (yep it’s there)
~Finally BELIEVE you are worthy and deserving of all life has to offer
~Get rid of the guilt and anxiety that’s been plaguing you for decades (admit it, it’s still there)
~Stop blaming anyone else, yes that includes your husband, even if he doesn’t help out much
~End the bad habits that have kept you, overweight, broke and feeling under-appreciated
~And to finally, dare I say it, LOVE yourself and your life exactly as it is 

Here’s the great news.  You are in control of your life.  You just forgot for a while.  And I’m here to remind you, and to give you the keys that will unlock the door to your best life.  I hope you’ll join me.

We’re popping up a Facebook group just for this live training.  So we can get real, raw and vulnerable.  (Don’t get scared….this leads to tremendous breakthroughs)

Click here to sign up and start your journey back to YOU.