Yesterday I Broke Down in Tears
steffani

Yesterday I Broke Down in Tears

It was a long day with the kids.

Zoe got mad and threw something that hit me in the face.

That’s what triggered it but not why I cried.

I cried because sometimes it’s really hard to parent my kids.

My story is…

  • They’re explosive.
  • Fighting happens. Often.
  • School gives them a hard time.
  • They never stop moving. Or taking. Or whining.
  • They are very needy.

And that is just exhausting.

That’s the story that took over as I cried in my room.

Self-defeating thoughts included:

“This is too hard.”

“I’m not good at this.”

“They’re so hard to parent.”

“Why can’t this be easier?”

Those were the feelings that swept over me.

But not for long.

I know not to believe and buy into the thoughts that don’t serve me. I can use them as fuel to make positive change. In this instance, to create some boundaries with Zoe around how she treats people.

But I can’t let stressful thoughts spiral out of control. Or they’ll start to define me. They’ll define us.

“It’s the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Aristotle was right. When we know how to let the thoughts that don’t serve us pass us by, we can find more peace. And love the people closest to us.

This is powerful work we’re up to.

Feel it. Honor it. But then don’t believe it.

Choose the thoughts that empower you and support your growth. They’re always available.

Need help? Join me for the Badass Life Intensive.

Things I’m Not Good At
steffani

Things I’m Not Good At

There are some things (many) that I am not good at, that I see other moms doing effortlessly. (Or seemingly effortlessly)

Here’s a short list where my “skills” are lacking:

  1. Shopping with kids.
  2. Staying at home with kids – Designing, decorating, styling. (All aspects of all of these)
  3. Home schooling
  4. Cooking
  5. Organizing
  6. Volunteering at school

I just look at these moms that can do some or all of these things like WOW!! I’m in awe.

Do you ever compare yourself to these Supermoms? I used to. But now I focus on my strengths. I have enough confidence in my gifts that I don’t get envious or jealous. Like:

  1. I can make an awesome green smoothie.
  2. I always have a healthy snack in my purse.
  3. I can design a workout anywhere anytime.
  4. I know how to talk anyone down from any ledge. Literally.
  5. I can turn around a situation and always find the positives.
  6. I can make anyone feel better about any situation.
  7. I make people feel good and comfortable.
  8. Nothing feels too hard for me.
  9. I believe anything’s possible.

My strengths may look different than most moms. We all have strengths, and guess what … we all have weaknesses. When we focus on our strengths, and try and show up as the best mom we can be, not better than anyone else, not trying to show up like that mom or that mom, everyone wins!

Just do you!! 

What do you do really well?

Share some of your strengths below.

How I Overcame “Bad Mom” Syndrome
steffani

How I Overcame “Bad Mom” Syndrome

This is a re-post from August 2015 but something we all need to hear often!

——————

I was recently reflecting on my happiness. I’m a happiness coach so this comes naturally to me. I realized that I was really happy in many areas of my life. I’m in great shape. I have a fulfilling career. Two happy healthy kids. The spouse of my dreams. A great social life. My husband and I were getting along great. So what was that lingering feeling that was giving me anxiety? Like I accidentally had a triple espresso. You know that heart flutter and unease that can come and go? Diving deeper I realized it was my parenting.

I have read every book out there on parenting. You name it….positive discipline, mindful parenting, simplicity parenting, whole-brain child. I read baby books, toddler books, sleep books, routine books, everything. But that lingering anxiety was still there. And I finally honed in on the fact that it was a deep fear creeping up. That fear? Bad Mom Syndrome. I think a lot of women have a deep fear of being a ‘bad mom’. Having kids who misbehave. Yelling at our kids. Feeding them sugar, wheat, non-organic food. Too much TV. Too much technology. Not enough road trips and bike rides.

Now that I was aware of my big fear it was time to address it. Where did it come from? And how was it affecting me? I realized I was letting it control my life. When my kids had a meltdown, yep, fear manifest. They’re melting down because I don’t know what I’m doing. They misbehave, un-huh, there you go, I’m a bad mom. They don’t listen, yep, these books don’t’ work, I’m clueless, I need help. They’re out of control, they don’t eat, fear manifest.

Awareness is the Key

Luckily, awareness is the key. When I became aware of this deep fear, this limiting belief that was running my life, now I can do something about it. Step one, look at my reactions to my kids’ perceived behavior. Was I reacting from my higher self? Or from my bad mom fear? Hmmmm. Let’s see, I’m yelling at them and grabbing them by the arm like a lunatic. Yep, bad mom fear. Next, how can I change it? For me, that came down one big shift.

Radical acceptance.

How can I radically accept my parenting?

I looked deeply at my strengths and highlighted those. And looked at my weaknesses. And stopped trying to change those. I might not be an all organic, whole food, sugar-free Mom and I’m okay with that. I might give my kids an iPad in the car or to running errands and I’m ok with that too. The stress comes from feeling bad about it. Wanting it to be different. Next…

How can I radically accept my kids?

In all their perfect imperfections. Can I accept them as the perfect messy 3-year-old and the bold fearless 6-year old that they are? Is it ok if they don’t take a bath every night? Yes. Why did I ever think differently? Maybe the 52 parenting books I read actually took away my ability to listen to my guidance and make my own decisions.

The most empowering decision I ever made in my parenting was to stop seeking advice. And start trusting my own instincts. Focus on my strengths, on what I’m good at, on what I can do. And really accept those areas that I need some work. So what If I don’t take both of my kids swimming when I’m alone. I’ll get over it. And the more I accept who they are like the perfection in every sunset. The better we all experience life. Syndrome cured.

Here’s how you overcome Bad Mom Syndrome.

Step 1. Awareness

Awareness is the key. When I became aware of this deep fear, this limiting belief that was running my life, now I can do something about it. I was aware of my reactions to my kids’ perceived behavior. Was I reacting from my higher self? Or from my bad mom fear? Hmmmm. Let’s see, I’m yelling at them and grabbing them by the arm like a lunatic. Yep, bad mom fear. Yikes. How can I change that?

Step 2. Radical acceptance

How can I radically accept my parenting?

I looked deeply at my strengths and highlighted those. And looked at my weaknesses. And stopped trying to change those. I might not be an all organic, whole food, sugar-free Mom and I’m okay with that. I might give my kids an iPad in the car or to running errands and I’m ok with that too. The stress comes from feeling bad about it. Wanting it to be different. Next…

How can I radically accept my kids?

In all their perfect imperfections. Can I accept them as the perfect messy 3-year-old and the bold fearless 6-year old that they are? Is it ok if they don’t take a bath every night? Yes. Why did I ever think differently? Maybe the 52 parenting books I read actually took away my ability to listen to my guidance and make my own decisions.

Step 3. Trust YOU

The most empowering decision I ever made in my parenting was to stop seeking advice. And start trusting my own instincts. Focus on my strengths, on what I’m good at, on what I can do. And really accept those areas that I need some work. So what If I don’t take both of my kids swimming when I’m alone. I’ll get over it. And the more I really accept who my kids are like I do the perfection in every sunset, the better we all experience life.

Syndrome cured.

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