11 years ago I did something I never thought I’d do…
steffani

11 years ago I did something I never thought I’d do…

I got married….

I didn’t just get married. I got married to my childhood crush.

I remember sitting at McDonalds with my girlfriends when I was 15 telling them how much I liked this boy John LeFevour. They quickly talked me out of it since he was so young. Only 11 years old at the time.

How could I consider dating a 5th grader???!!! At the time he was too young. But there was something about him. So I told him he’d make a good boyfriend in 10 years.

And he asked me to wait for him.

Who does that at 11 years old?! John LeFevour does.

10 years later we ran into each other at a bar in our hometown. We were both single. I remember asking him how old he was to make sure he was old enough. 😊 He was 21 and I was 25. Now that’s not a bad age difference. He asked me if I was finally ready to go out with him. I thought it would be a fun summer fling.

10 years later to the day we got married. In a midnight ceremony. On our 10 year anniversary.

Contrary to what most people think when you date someone for 10 years before you get married, I didn’t have to give him an ultimatum.

It was HE who had to convince ME.

See I never WANTED to get married. I was afraid it was too hard. I was afraid people changed after marriage. I was afraid married people lost love for each other and never had sex. I was afraid I would marry my Dad. I was afraid my life wouldn’t be full and fun and spontaneous.

After we’d been dating for 8 years something shifted. I realized John wasn’t changing. And that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Then he got sober. And completely changed the game on me.

One night after he was out of rehab and was sober almost a year we were out to dinner, and we were talking about regrets.

If we died tomorrow would we have any regrets?

And it hit me….

I would regret not marrying him.

I never told him that. I was still too afraid.

2 months later he proposed. And I said yes.

It hasn’t always been easy. I had plenty of doubts. I doubted myself. I doubted John. I doubted the institution of marriage.

But when I look back at it all I really never doubted US. No matter what we went through over these last 21 years together my faith in US has been unwavering.

He has proved every one of my fears wrong. You CAN have a wild, spontaneous, happy, healthy, sexy, fun marriage. You CAN grow together not apart. You CAN break your old pattern and not marry your Dad. The love never dies. The sex is still great. And we CAN both continue to reinvent ourselves. And have a better life together than we would apart.

I never wanted to get married…

But I NEEDED to get married. To complete my soul’s mission.

John and I have done this dance many times. 😊😍And it was meant to be again.

I’m so grateful I had faith. I so grateful we persevered. I’m so grateful I faced my fears and I said YES. I’m so grateful that he knew. That he always knew.

My life with John is better than I could ever imagine a life could be.

If I could tell my 15-year-old self one thing I would say…kiss him now, don’t wait.

Just Say No
steffani

Just Say No

A big Ah Ha hit me years ago: In order to live and love even bigger, I may need to let go of some things that I love.

It’s easy to let go of things that don’t serve you. Things that you hate. That feel awful. But it’s hard to let go of things that you love. That DO serve you in some way. That are rewarding. But ahhh, that’s the catch.

Sometimes those things keep you too comfortable. They help you settle for a life that’s not ALL THAT. A life that you like but don’t love. That’s good but not great. It’s tricky.

For me getting comfortable held me back. Comfort can kill a dream for sure. What I realized was letting go of some things that I love helped me get MORE. It helped me move from Steffani 1.0 to Steffani 2.0.

I let go of a job that I loved to start my own coaching business. I let go of a house in the city that I loved to move into our dream home in the burbs. And now I say NO to things that I love because what used to satisfy and delight Steffani 1.0 doesn’t work any longer.

I’ve said no to speaking gigs. And no to travel. And no to book clubs and invitations and vacays and volunteer ops. Because if they’re not aligned with the newest version of me I’m doing myself a disservice. I’m fueling Steffani 1.0 while trying to elevate my life. That doesn’t work.

It’s not easy to say no. Especially to things you love. But I’m getting better at it. The newest version of me deserves it.

What do you need to say no to?  

If you are looking for guidance and others who are on the same quest as you, join my group on Facebook.

 

How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away
steffani

How To Prepare Your Kids While You’re Away

If you read my blog last week about Why Moms Need To Travel  you know I’m an advocate of Moms traveling solo. I travel for work and pleasure often.  And have found a WONDERFUL way to prepare the kids, and our whole family for my time away.  (Tips on Mommy guilt coming later…)

Here are some of the tools I’ve used that have made traveling a LOT easier.

First and foremost spend LOTS of one on one time with them before you leave.Need I say more?  If you’re a parent you get it.

 

I buy a dollar store gift for every day I’m gone.  It helps them get excited to get out of bed and my husband has really easy mornings with them when they have this to look forward to and keep them busy.  They usually contain simple games, or an easy dot to dot coloring book, or painting project.  They love them.  Quick warning…husbands don’t like Silly String 🙂

 

In a jar with a label I leave 1 kiss for each kid for each day that I’m away.  This way when there are only a few left they know I’ll be home soon.  And they know I’m thinking of them and this is my “KISS”.

 

I can’t leave without a detailed spreadsheet for everyone who will be helping out.  It includes their daily schedule, their morning, afterschool and evening routines.  Everyone and anyone’s phone numbers, including friends parents for play dates.  All of their activities are on there.  Who’s picking up who when.  AND their logins for certain apps or websites they might use.  Like ABC Mouse or Lexia Core.

spreadsheet

 

I can’t forget about my first love. 🙂  I leave daily cards or notes for my husband so he knows how grateful I am for him while he’s doing extra duties around the house and with the kids.  I’ve left little notes in our shower or bathroom and full handwritten cards and letters.  Sometimes I ask the kids to give them to him once I’m gone in a nice box so they have that to look forward to the day I leave.

 

I always ask my kids to give me one of their “lovies” or stuffed animals while I travel.  So I can take photos of where I am and show them what I’m up to.  They know that I snuggle these lovies at night and think about them all the time.  These lovies have more fun then the average person.  🙂  One time they were dancing on stage in front of hundreds of people.  The kids LOVED it.

 

Once I started doing all of this when I went out of town it was a LOT easier to leave.  My kids don’t whine about it.  They actually look forward to it. 🙂

I always return with a present or a treat.  And even if they miss me while I’m gone they have a lot of reinforcement that I’m thinking of them and that I’ll be back soon.

Will my kids be ok while I’m away?

The answer is HELL YES they will.

Now for those Moms who are longing to travel but still feel their kids will not be ok without them.  I can tell you from experience it has HELPED my kids.  They realize that they don’t need me for everything. They’re more self-reliant when I’m gone.  I feel it’s ok for kids to miss someone.  It doesn’t break them like we fear.  They’re stronger than we know.  A few days away is just a blip on the radar in their long and beautiful lives.  It’s important for me to teach my kids how to handle challenging situations. How to get by and manage the day without me over their shoulder.  And it teaches them how to have reverence for something, to be grateful when something returns, with gifts. 🙂  When I travel alone it helps them learn all of that.   It has really enhanced our lives.   I hope this enhances yours.

 
Loving this life and travel,

Steffani
Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com