The Art of Allowing
steffani

The Art of Allowing

Many years ago I went to an Abraham Hicks workshop on The Art of Allowing. I had already been studying the law of attraction for over 20 years, teaching it in workshops and created a program for the Chicago Public Schools. But I was ready, REALLY ready to hear about the art of allowing.
There were a few things that I was ‘trying’ to manifest that hadn’t happened yet.  One specifically I wanted to sign with a big acting agent for commercial work and book a commercial. I’d been trying to manifest this for almost a year. It was on my vision board. On my wishing tree. In my box of dreams. I visualized it daily. I submitted to this agent every few months.
WHY wasn’t it happening yet.
I sat down in my chair in the banquet room of some Sheraton or Westin or something and was ready for the info.
Do I need to hang crystals in my bedroom? Sleep on magnets? Is my vision board broken? Do I need to do some Feng shui or burn some sage? Whatever it is I’m ready. Just tell me what I need to do to ALLOW in this dream.
I knew I was clear on it. I had ASKED for it. I believed I could have it. So how could I allow it in?
And then I got it…..
The whole theme of the workshop was about happiness.
I remember hearing Esther say “Just how happy can you be?”

Our HAPPINESS is the art of allowing. It’s through our happiness that we ALLOW all our desires in.

Ahhhhh yes!! YES! YAY!
So all I have to do is be happy? Yes! It sounds so simple. But it’s not that easy. You don’t even have to be happy with the thing that you are wanting. You can be happy petting your dog and you’re in the state of allowing. You can be happy eating a blueberry muffin and you’re in the state of allowing. Sure it helps if you’re happy with your job and you want to attract a new, better job. But you don’t have to. You can be happy playing Frisbee and you’re in the state of allowing in a new job. Isn’t that awesome?

Our happiness is that important.

I teach my clients how to ‘safeguard’ their happiness. Because our dreams are that important. And if they’re directly linked to our happiness, then our happiness is crucial.
One more important piece.

No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

No circumstances direct your happiness either.

It’s an internal job. And it’s a choice. You can choose to be happy or not. It’s up to you. You can choose to do things that make you feel happy or not. It’s also up to you.
When I left that workshop I knew that my happiness was the KEY to multiply and turn up my manifesting powers.
So I went after it. Like it was my JOB. I made a list of all the daily things I could do that made me happy. I made a list of all the people in my life that made me happy. I made a list of things I wanted to do that would make me happy. And I focused on those lists, like a recipe.
Doing these things that make me feel happy will get me these big dreams?! DONE!
Two months later I got the call….. from my dream agent. And 2 months after that I booked my first commercial. I can safely say I allowed all that in through my happiness.
Just how happy are you?
What are you doing to safeguard your happiness?
Be happy, read my book. http://www.badassmombook.com
11 years ago I did something I never thought I’d do…
steffani

11 years ago I did something I never thought I’d do…

I got married….

I didn’t just get married. I got married to my childhood crush.

I remember sitting at McDonalds with my girlfriends when I was 15 telling them how much I liked this boy John LeFevour. They quickly talked me out of it since he was so young. Only 11 years old at the time.

How could I consider dating a 5th grader???!!! At the time he was too young. But there was something about him. So I told him he’d make a good boyfriend in 10 years.

And he asked me to wait for him.

Who does that at 11 years old?! John LeFevour does.

10 years later we ran into each other at a bar in our hometown. We were both single. I remember asking him how old he was to make sure he was old enough. 😊 He was 21 and I was 25. Now that’s not a bad age difference. He asked me if I was finally ready to go out with him. I thought it would be a fun summer fling.

10 years later to the day we got married. In a midnight ceremony. On our 10 year anniversary.

Contrary to what most people think when you date someone for 10 years before you get married, I didn’t have to give him an ultimatum.

It was HE who had to convince ME.

See I never WANTED to get married. I was afraid it was too hard. I was afraid people changed after marriage. I was afraid married people lost love for each other and never had sex. I was afraid I would marry my Dad. I was afraid my life wouldn’t be full and fun and spontaneous.

After we’d been dating for 8 years something shifted. I realized John wasn’t changing. And that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Then he got sober. And completely changed the game on me.

One night after he was out of rehab and was sober almost a year we were out to dinner, and we were talking about regrets.

If we died tomorrow would we have any regrets?

And it hit me….

I would regret not marrying him.

I never told him that. I was still too afraid.

2 months later he proposed. And I said yes.

It hasn’t always been easy. I had plenty of doubts. I doubted myself. I doubted John. I doubted the institution of marriage.

But when I look back at it all I really never doubted US. No matter what we went through over these last 21 years together my faith in US has been unwavering.

He has proved every one of my fears wrong. You CAN have a wild, spontaneous, happy, healthy, sexy, fun marriage. You CAN grow together not apart. You CAN break your old pattern and not marry your Dad. The love never dies. The sex is still great. And we CAN both continue to reinvent ourselves. And have a better life together than we would apart.

I never wanted to get married…

But I NEEDED to get married. To complete my soul’s mission.

John and I have done this dance many times. 😊😍And it was meant to be again.

I’m so grateful I had faith. I so grateful we persevered. I’m so grateful I faced my fears and I said YES. I’m so grateful that he knew. That he always knew.

My life with John is better than I could ever imagine a life could be.

If I could tell my 15-year-old self one thing I would say…kiss him now, don’t wait.

5 Things Every Marriage Needs To THRIVE
steffani

5 Things Every Marriage Needs To THRIVE

We’re exploring our love relationships in our Next Level Life Mastermind this week. We all have room for improvement. I penned this post in 2015 and find that it’s truer than ever…

I’m a happiness coach. Most of my clients are women who are struggling in their relationships. They’re unhappy, and for the most part, they blame their husbands. “He doesn’t listen to me.” “He’s self-centered.” “He has a temper.” “We don’t get along.” “He doesn’t appreciate all I do.”

8 out of 10 women I coach would describe their husbands that way or similar. As I see it, it’s our job to safeguard our own happiness. Who someone else is and even what they do to you, or how they treat you, has no effect on your happiness unless you let it.

Women CAN control their realities.

We CAN shift our thoughts.

We CAN create more inner peace and more daily happiness.

So how can we do this while in a partnership?

In my coaching and in my own relationship, I’ve found there are 5 Things Every Marriage Needs to Thrive. Everyone deserves an extraordinary relationship.  In fact, I think it’s the #1 thing that contributes to a healthy and very HAPPY life. When our relationship is thriving so are our kids. We’re better parents.  When our relationship is thriving, we think more clearly, we are better employees or entrepreneurs. When our relationship is thriving, we create from a more powerful space and we can achieve more than we ever dreamed possible.

Here are the 5 things I’ve found every marriage needs to thrive:

1. Respect.

Every marriage needs respect. Men need to feel respected. When a man feels respected he’s happier and more fulfilled. When he’s happier and more fulfilled he will cherish his wife. Simple as that. If you want to be cherished respect your man. Ask him how you can treat him with more respect. I’m SURE he’ll answer you.

2. Time together.

No matter how busy your schedule, every marriage needs quality time. It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary. Sometimes it feels like a chore. And that’s okay. That scheduled one on one time will always lead to a deeper connection, things come up that you’ve been meaning to talk about, you get updates on each other’s lives. You might even share a laugh. These things don’t happen over text or across town. Spend time together.

3. Shared interests.

Outside of the kids and your home, every marriage needs some shared interests. Can you work out together? Cook together? Take walks? Play golf? Watch a TV series, that you both enjoy? You might have very little in common. But I’m sure you can still come up with some common interests. Shared interests = more connection. Keep it up.

4. Sex!

Need I say more? We’re human beings. And men particularly need to have sex. Can you imagine how emasculating it must feel to get rejected by your wife? Many of my clients are withholding sex from their husbands for one or more reasons, usually revolving around not feeling loved or cherished. How can a man love or cherish someone who’s emasculating them and doesn’t respect one of their basic needs? Sex is another deep connector. When you take time every week for a sexy at home “date night”, you’ll both be kinder, softer, sweeter to each other. It’s always worth it and can be a lot of fun. When you get out of your own head and let go of your resentments you might actually look forward to having sex with your husband. Which brings me to #5.

5. Forgiveness.

Every marriage needs forgiveness. Resentment, upset, frustration can’t exist in the same space as forgiveness. Forgiveness is the expressway to freedom. If you can find it in your heart to forgive your husband for all his shortcomings, you take a big leap towards more inner peace and more daily happiness. When we forgive we find love and gratitude for our partner and in that space, a marriage can thrive.

What can you do to invest in your relationship?  How can you take responsibility for your own happiness and create more fun and connection with your partner?  Head over to my Facebook page and tell me what you can commit to.  Let’s all move our relationships forward in a powerful way this year.