Quick question…

How often do you show your partner you love them?
How often do you show your kids that you love them?
Do you do it THIS time of year but not every day? 
Do you talk about it openly? Do you know what they need to feel loved?

For me the magic of the holiday season is a great excuse to love on people more.  I give more hugs for no reason.  I tell my friends and family I love them and wish them well and happy.  I write letters of gratitude and give gifts of thanks.  Easy to do this now.  What if we did this ALL the time.  And what if we dove DEEPER into love over the holidays.

Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book Touching Peace that we should look deeply into our loved ones eyes and say “please tell me how I can love you better.”

If you’re a woman talking to a man I’m sure you know the nature of how he might respond. And it will most likely have to take place in the bedroom. Instead of just shrugging this off, really listen for the answer and see how you can meet your family’s needs.

When I asked my husband this question his first answer had something to do with me in a maid costume. Then, when I pushed him for more, he had a few practical suggestions.

“Support me when I have to work a lot. Help me find time to get out and play hockey. Don’t ride me when I’m tired and dismissive, it’s nothing personal.”

Wow. Is that all?

Seriously….aren’t those great suggestions? Are you telling me that if I do those things you’ll feel more LOVED? Then I’m in! Not a problem.

When I asked my friends they said nothing at first then they told me that I can call them more, and I can send them a holiday card. How easy is that? I would love to love them better in that way. When I asked my sister she said, “you can spend more time with me. You can support my dreams.” My other sister said, “you can be more patient with me.” What wonderful information for me to learn about my family.

What if we asked our kids “How can I love you better?” And really listened to the answer. They might have some great suggestions. The answers might have to do with more flexibility or more freedom and maybe that’s OK. They might want to spend more time with you, and that’s OK too. Or they might need you to be more patient with them or kinder with your words. (um, raises hand…) But wouldn’t it be great to know how you can love someone better? Why not ask them and see for yourself?

I dare you, this holiday season, ask your Mom, ask your sister, ask your children. Be so bold to ask your husband or wife and see the beauty it brings.

I hope this holiday season finds you FILLED with more happiness than your heart and hands can hold.

How can I love you better?