The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die
steffani

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

This last week I’ve been doing a lot of small group coaching.  And a common theme has been creeping in…. regrets.

It’s something we often don’t reflect on until it’s too late.

 

And while reflecting I came across this article by John-Paul Iwuoha.

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

 

What he shared in the article was…

Bronnie Ware – an Australian nurse and counselor – took care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live.   As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives, and anything they would do differently.  Of all the responses she got from her patients, she noticed there were 5 regrets that stood out.

 

These were the most common regrets her patients wished they hadn’t made:

 

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

I think the biggest lesson from this regret is, if you know what really makes you happy, do it!  (Follow your bliss…)

 

2) I wish I didn’t work so hard

No surprise here.  We don’t often wish at the end of our lives that we had spent more time at work.  People often wish they had put more focus on other things including their relationships, their health and their spirituality.  In short…DO….IT….NOW!

 
3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

Emotional intelligence….wow.  Game changer.  This to me means also “I wish I had taken more time to work on ME.”  Because when we do the work, we get stronger.  Period.  We have firmer boundaries, and we can express our needs.

 
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Social life = HUGE!  More proof that the Harvard Grant study was right.  Having close friendships can be SO IMPORTANT.   Make it that way.

 
5) I wish I had let myself be happier

When we realize that happiness is a choice and we put conscious effort into it that can lead to an incredibly fulfilling life.   Safeguard your happiness like it’s a precious treasure!

 

You know I’m a happiness coach right?! (cough cough) #shamelessplug

 

So I ask you…are there any REGRETS that you don’t want to die with?  

Are you spending too much time working?

Putting work in front of family, friends, relationships?

Are you making money your priority?  

Are there adjustments you can make in your life to change any of that?

 

I think these findings prove that living the most rewarding fulfilling life possible is not only necessary, it’s crucial to your happiness.

If you need help, you still have time to join my Happi Mom Squad.  We’ll be working at squelching any and all of our regrets.

Email me…Steffani@myhappilife.com

#noregrets

Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at My Happi Life
www.myhappilife.com


Dealing with loss…
steffani

Dealing with loss…

Jan 19th, 1982 was the worst day of my life. It will probably always be.

My sister who was 18 at the time died in a car accident.

Looking back on that day I realized her death rocked our family to the core.  It tore up our foundation.  We didn’t know how to operate without her in our lives.  The grief was so heavy and dark, I didn’t know if we would ever survive it.

I was 11 years old when she died, my young innocent heart was crushed.  It’s amazing how 1 day can change your life forever.  I prayed so hard when she got hurt.  I promised God EVERYTHING if he left my sister here.  I remember pleading with him and begging him to help her, to help us and to keep her here.  When she died I felt cheated. I felt robbed. And I was mad.

I remember crying so hard every night that I could feel my tears soak through the other side of the pillow.

My parents were divorced, my oldest sister was dead. I felt lost and invisible.  My family was shattered.  Mom was suffering, literally drowning in grief.  What else could she do? A single mom dealing with the sudden loss of her oldest child.  Now with kids of my own, I can only imagine.

It was a dark night of the soul for our family.  I can’t remember how long it took us to breath again.  But we did.  We did breath again.  We even danced.

When you lose a sibling.  Your life is forever changed.  In the obvious negative ways.  A lot of heartache.  Learning about loss so young.  Longing and aching for that life with your sibling back.  Rebelling because life was unfair and God didn’t do as you asked and spare your sister.

But it’s also forever changed in positive ways.  You feel love from friends and family and even strangers that you’ve never felt before.  That you never imagined possible.  People come out of the woodwork to help you and your family overcome this grief.  They feel closer to you because you’re so raw and vulnerable.  New friendships emerge.  You get to experience things you may never have experienced.  You can forever help other people with loss and heartbreak because you dealt with it first hand.

And most importantly you learn to keep your family close.  It can bring you closer together instead of shattering your foundation.

Every Jan 19th we get together, to celebrate the family that’s still here, and to celebrate Traci and the time we had with her.

It’s never an easy day.  But it does help me reflect on how we got through our grief.

If you’re going through a dark night of the soul, keep going.   You will breath again.

Here’s a few tips I feel helped me when going through that tunnel.

#1. Feel all your feelings.

Treat them as gently as possible.  Feel them. Honor that feeling.  And then move on.  Try and climb up the emotional guidance scale.  Don’t try to feel ‘HAPPY’ instantly, just try to feel 1 degree better.

#2. Focus on what you DO want.

Think of the end result.  Think of your life in a few years and play it out in a positive way.  Think of what would be IDEAL.  The peace, the comfort, the love and support. Even the normalcy back again.  Think about THAT and let it pull you there.

#3. Give it away to a higher power.

My favorite prayer.  “Dear God, I release this situation to you, and I know it won’t result in pain, I give it away for you to create the greatest good for everyone involved”. Letting a higher power take over can feel really good.  Sometimes we forget there’s more help out there than we’re tapping into.

#4. Do what makes you feel GOOD.

It’s more important than ever to feel good.  A walk on the beach.  That coffee you love.  Laughing with a friend.  Getting a mani pedi.  Putting on your favorite song. DANCING.  Yes dancing.  Do things that make you feel good.  It will help pull you forward.  It’s sometimes the last thing you want to do but it’s the most important. Remember no amount of pain and suffering changes the past.  So feel GOOD as much as possible.  And the other side of the tunnel will be here before you know it.

And lastly, if you need any support through your loss I’m here for you.

You’re not alone. You will get through this. It does get easier.

Focusing on the good,
Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com

13 years ago, today, on my birthday my boyfriend checked in to rehab
steffani

13 years ago, today, on my birthday my boyfriend checked in to rehab

13 years ago, today, on my birthday my boyfriend checked in to rehab.   

I was working at a golf outing for my corporate job.  I was on the 13th hole, on my 32nd birthday.  I remember thinking “why the hell am I still doing this”.  I got a call half way through the long day in the sun from John and he said he was checking in to rehab. I had 2 immediate thoughts “Thank God!” and “Holy Shit!” 

It hadn’t really sunk in yet.  The total ramifications of my boyfriend of 7 years checking in to rehab for drugs and alcohol.  I just remember thinking “this is something that has to happen”.  And I hung up the phone wishing him well, thinking it was over between us.  I had walked out 2 days earlier after finding pain killers next to his bed.  Again.  After he’d SWORE that he wasn’t using any more. 

A little background,…my Dad was an alcoholic all my life.  So I was DETERMINED not to follow suit and be with someone who was an addict.  Yet I’d been doing exactly that for 7 years.  And somehow now, I was getting out.  Now it was over.  The girl working with me at hole 13 on the golf course was thoroughly entertained by my life stories.  She couldn’t believe what was happening.  And was really  impressed with my composure.  I later went to dinner with my whole family in Greek town.  No one asked about John.  It never came up where he was. 

It started sinking in….he checked into rehab on my birthday.  And even with that thought running through my head constantly things actually got better.  My life started looking up.  First, I let him go.  I realized I didn’t’ want to be with an addict.  And that was my life with John.  I was almost relieved that it was over.  I couldn’t picture a life with someone in recovery.  He was only 28, so that wasn’t even an option.  I called my mom and told her that we had broken up, and that he was in rehab and it was over, again.  She was sad for me but understood and expressed that it would be hard for her.  For HER.  But I got it. 

A week went by and John called me from rehab.  I remember the minute I talked to him feeling like he was BACK.  That the John that I knew and LOVED for so long had returned.  He was charming and interested and silly and sweet and really engaging.  That wasn’t the man I walked out on 1 week ago.  Now he was asking me to come visit him.  What?!  In rehab?!  Why would I do that?!  

I realized why.  Because he really was back.  It was like he came to life again.  The man I knew deep inside was back.  And he was as loveable and compassionate and thoughtful as ever.  

I went to see him and we were back together again instantly.  After only 1 week in rehab.  He told me he was doing it for me, and for the life he could have with me.  I asked one of his counselors if that was ok.  “Can someone get sober for someone else?  I thought you needed to do it for yourself?”  He told me that sometimes being with someone you love raises your rock bottom.  And he told me he thought John would be sober for life.  They don’t say that about 1st timers.  There’s normally only a 30% success rate.  I checked in with my heart.  And I KNEW this was a lifetime decision for him.  See I didn’t want to be with an addict.  But I did want to be with John, the real John, the sober John. 

Now 13 years later, married and with our 2 kids, we celebrate his sobriety anniversary and my birthday together. 

Here’s one thing I know for sure… our worst day now is better than our best day then. It isn’t always easy.  But it’s a lot better than it ever was.  And I am constantly reminded how hard we fought for this life. 

Reflecting on this day 13 years ago makes me even more grateful for every day of our lives together.  We’ve earned this time together.  We’re still constantly striving to be our best selves for each other.  And for our kids who deserve that version of us. IMG_8726

My birthday will forever remind me of Johns commitment to this life we have.  That we wouldn’t have if he didn’t choose it.  And if I didn’t choose him. 

For anyone suffering from an addiction there is hope.  And if you’re with an addict not all stories are as successful as ours.  But it is possible.  I hope you check in with your heart and make the choice that’s right for you. 

Celebrating John today and every day.  Celebrating this life we built together and every day that we get together.  46 years around the sun feels really good.