The Key to Body Confidence
steffani

The Key to Body Confidence

I’ll just get right to it.

Don’t compare your 47 with other people’s 27. 
Don’t compare your 47 to your 27 either.

What I mean by that is, the key to having body confidence is loving and accepting your body AS IT IS, RIGHT NOW. In all its’ glory and imperfection. With all its’ lumps and bumps and wrinkles.

I think we get down on our bodies because we’re in constant comparison. With others AND ourselves.

What used to work for me 20 years ago doesn’t work for me anymore. What I could do 20 years ago I can’t do anymore.

And that’s OK. It sure should be ok, it’s been 20 years. And a 47-year-old body that’s had 2 kids should look different than a 27-year-old body. It’s just a fact.

Now I need to be careful with that. I don’t need to accept my body looking worse than I want it to. I don’t need to listen to the bullshit rules out there, like that we gain weight as we get older or that we get weaker or lose flexibility. I don’t need to buy into all that. I just need to fully accept the body that I have in this moment.

At OTF today we ran a PR 1 mile. When I heard we were doing that I got a little nervous. I had flashbacks to my days running races and working with a running coach. I’ve never been a ‘runner’ or very fast, but I used to work at it and now I don’t. It hurts. For me running a fast mile feels like a near-death experience.

But I ran one today. 20 years ago my fastest mile was a 6.40. And wow. I was so proud of that. Holy shit. That was REALLY fast for ME.

Today I thought I’d push myself and try and run as fast as possible. Could I run a 7.30? Maybe an 8:30? All I knew was that I would run as fast for 1 mile as my legs and heart could carry me.

I ran an 8.05. And wow. I was SO proud of that. Holy shit. That was really fast for 47 year old me.

No judgment. No comparison. Just radical acceptance. I have no idea what other people ran it in. I really don’t care. I never even think to look.

Because for me the key to body acceptance is not comparing myself to anyone else or to a younger version of myself.

This is what my body can do NOW. This is how hard I work to constantly improve it. This is why I’m so proud of THIS body.

Now here come the Big Questions/ Bold Answers ladies…..

Do you wish you had more body confidence?
What contributes to your body confidence?
And can you teach me how to take a better selfie? 😆

 

Suffering in silence…
steffani

Suffering in silence…

We’ve been going through a hard time as a family lately. (Public school issues mainly.)

I know my blog posts are normally only rainbows and butterflies. But I also know we all experience the highs and lows in life. We can never escape it. It’s gonna happen. We’ll lose loved ones. Fight with friends. Get kicked off a team. Have something lost or stolen. Break a bone. Or worse, have our heart broken. Especially as parents, we see injustice in the world. Far too often.

This. Is. Life. It’s bound to happen.

When I experience these things, which I do, ALL THE TIME. I tend to pull away from sharing. Not because I’m afraid or ashamed to share the shit and the trials and tribulations. But because I turn inward. And I have a habit of suffering in silence. Thinking no one will get it. Thinking that I may come off as negative or weak. Fearing that it will only make things worse if I speak of my troubles and stresses.

So today I put my coaching hat on and told myself what I would tell one of my clients.

Don't suffer in silence
Zoe and I

DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. Ask for the help you need.

Speak to your fears. Name and claim your stressful thoughts. And find someone to help you THROUGH them.

Don’t suffer in silence. Do the work it takes to get you on the other side of this tunnel. Ask for the help you need to see the light. Use all your tools and lean on your tribe so you can find your way and make it to the other side.

We don’t need to suffer in silence. And in my opinion that never works. If anything it only causes us to stuff it down and experience it again tenfold.

There are so many practices we can use to move THROUGH our suffering.

The Byron Katie Work (one of my faves that I do with all my clients but have a hard time doing for myself when I’m really in the soup.)

EFT or Tapping (simple and easy, search it on Youtube. but then you still have to DO IT)

Therapy, counseling, coaching (Duh)

Talk to a friend (Not just any friend. Not a friend who will just agree and say “wow yea that SUCKS” but a TRUTH friend who will show you how you can do better, help you turn your thoughts around and hold your hand until you’re on the other side.)

A 3 part solution I share with my clients in times like these:

(reminding myself of them now so I’ll use them)

Step 1. Focus on the END RESULT of what you DO want. Stop dwelling on and thinking about what you don’t want.

Step 2. Give it away to a higher power. We’re not alone here. Stop acting like it.

Step 3. Safeguard your happiness. Do everything and anything that brings you JOY. Laugh, make love, dance, have FUN because no amount of suffering ever got us on the other side of the tunnel.

Have you ever found yourself suffering in silence? What do you do to get through it?

Xxxx,

What our kids need/WE need most
steffani

What our kids need/WE need most

I SEE YOU.  I HEAR YOU.  YOU’RE VALUED.

This, in the end, is all our kids want from us.

They want a Mom who can be present enough to see them for who they are.  To listen to their truth.  (And sometimes their lies) and to love them for who they are.  Unconditionally. Even when they’re being “bad”.  Even when they’re making poor choices.  Even when they’re exploding or having meltdowns.

Our kids want this.  Our kids NEED this.  But we don’t give it to them.  

Why?

Because we don’t even give it to ourselves.

We don’t see ourselves and because we’re so filled with shame and self-judgments the only thing we have to offer our kids is a shell of ourselves.

Sure we can fake it.  And make everything look ok on the outside.  Put our game face on and make dinner while scrolling through social media and put our kids to bed sometimes peacefully and usually only after 2 glasses of wine.

Yea.  That works.  But not for long.

Because it will all come crashing down.  Like it has before.  It might show up differently every time.  It can be disguised as gaining weight over the holidays. Or shopping far too much and racking up the credit card bill.  Or not paying attention to our marriage and letting our sex life slip away while fighting more and dating each other less.

But once we come to see our own PERSONAL POWER and really SEE ourselves for who we are – powerful souls having a human experience – we can shape our lives any way we want. Admit it.  You know that’s in there.

Once we come to recognize, admit to and see our power then game over.  All the pain and suffering can end and we take our power back.  Only then can we GIVE it to our kids.  Only then can we truly transform our lives and stop living a different existence on the inside than on the outside.

Once I came face to face with my power.  It changed my life forever.  

It changed my marriage forever.
It changed my family forever.
It changed my business’s forever.
It changed my future forever.

But what changed? How was I able to access my higher self and start showing up in the world as who I really wanted to be?  

I started loving ME.
I started coming to know ME.
I started to forgive myself.
I started to understand myself.
I started to connect with that divine voice inside of me.
I started changing my stories and writing new ones.
I started creating a new personal reality.

So where do you start?

There are many places. But my invitation to you is to join me for my 5 Essential Shifts Livestream Series.  It’s 100% free.

These 5 shifts will help you:

~Uncover what’s not working, so you can finally shift that SH!T
~Discover your power (yep it’s there)
~Finally BELIEVE you are worthy and deserving of all life has to offer
~Get rid of the guilt and anxiety that’s been plaguing you for decades (admit it, it’s still there)
~Stop blaming anyone else, yes that includes your husband, even if he doesn’t help out much
~End the bad habits that have kept you, overweight, broke and feeling under-appreciated
~And to finally, dare I say it, LOVE yourself and your life exactly as it is 

Here’s the great news.  You are in control of your life.  You just forgot for a while.  And I’m here to remind you, and to give you the keys that will unlock the door to your best life.  I hope you’ll join me.

We’re popping up a Facebook group just for this live training.  So we can get real, raw and vulnerable.  (Don’t get scared….this leads to tremendous breakthroughs)

Click here to sign up and start your journey back to YOU.