The #1 Skill You Need In Parenting
steffani

The #1 Skill You Need In Parenting

Have you ever thought about PROJECTION?  How you may project your ideas, opinions, feelings or unreasonable expectations onto others.  Especially our kids?!  

Well you might not have thought about it that way. Or maybe you have. But either way, we do it.  

We use our past experience and our childhood to ‘predict’ how our kids are FEELING. And we try and manipulate their reality to shape the story we have of what it should be.  

Sounds crazy I know. But we do it… ALL THE TIME.  

Check out this video where I share the #1 most important skill you need in parenting.  And how we PROJECT all over the place. 

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If you’re not ‘into’ video.  Here are the cliff notes…  

When we project our values, opinions, feelings, and expectations onto our kids we always come out disappointed. The key to changing this is to PAUSE. Stop and reflect on what you’re doing and how that’s affecting your child’s experience. And your own. I share a few examples of how I used the pause approach in my own life to help you see where it can be highly effective.  

Similar to the PAUSE is the #1 most important skill you need in parenting. And that is to learn how to STOP. To stop yourself in your tracks and respond instead of reacting.  

I know it sounds hard or damn near impossible to do that at the moment when your kid just told you to ‘go F yourself”. But it is possible. It’s not only possible it’s necessary. For us to stay sane and for them to stay alive.  

More stories about how this is possible and some great questions from some awesome Mamas in the training video. 

I’d love to hear what comes up for you.  Have you been projecting?  Do you need to pause more?  Have you learned the amazing magic of STOPPING in your tracks and responding versus reacting?  Leave me a comment. I’d love to connect with you. 

It’s ok to cry.
steffani

It’s ok to cry.

I hope you know, it’s ok to cry.  Actually, I think it’s crucial. We often hold back our tears and see them as a weakness.  I learned years ago when I first started out on this personal growth journey that it’s a strength.  

 

I’ll never forget the women sitting next to me in a circle who looked at my tears and said: “I wish I could feel like you do,”  That’s when it hit me that it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to feel. It’s not just ok it’s necessary for us to move through our feelings and get to the other side of them.  

 

Now, I’m not ashamed to cry.  

 

I cry every day….

 

I don’t cry every day out of sadness or anger or upset.  Sure I have as many challenges as anyone else in this life.  I have stresses and frustrations and family members who are ill.  But still, that’s not why I cry.

 

Every day I cry for a different reason. 

 

I cry because this life is pure magic.

I cry out of gratitude for every breath.

I cry for beauty.

I cry at art.

I cry when I see moments of kindness.

I cry when I hear beautiful music.

I cry when I sing.

I cry when I reflect on life in the shower.

I cry when I say goodbye to a friend.

I cried eating a blueberry muffin at Starbucks once.  It was a really really good muffin! 

I cry at commercials.

I cry watching my kids sleep.

I cry when I travel – when I fly through the air and look out the window. 

I cry when I walk into a church.

 

My husband jokes that I cry at mall openings.  I have never cried at a mall opening. But I have cried at the opening of the Olympics.  And the closing ceremonies. And my son’s soccer game yesterday.

 

Basically, I cry when I feel connected.  I cry when I FEEL this life. When I feel alive. 

 

Unapologetically I cry.  And I look forward to the moments in my day, those vulnerable, beautiful, tear-filled moments where my heart feels so full I can hardly breathe. When I sip air in through my nose and my eyes well up with tears only to be sucked back in moments later when I compose myself, it is a moment of sheer bliss.  A moment of REAL life. To feel alive. And grateful. And connected. 

 

I’ve never counted how many times I’ve cried in a day.  But I might start now. And I invite you to start with me.  Can we FEEL alive and connected 2 times, 5 times,10 times a day?  I’m willing to try.

 

This is LIFE.  This is really living. 

 

My wish for you is that you feel all your feelings today.  All the joy and all the sorrow. All the beauty and the pain.  I hope you feel it and move through it. If I can support you in any way, I’m here.  Let’s cry together. 

 

To join me on this journey start by taking this Best Life Quiz to discover what’s holding you back from living a life you wholeheartedly love and one you FEEL every day.  

 

Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem
steffani

Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem

You don’t have a behavior problem. Listen. I know it feels that way. I know it looks and sounds like the one thing you need is for your son or daughter to “behave”. But I promise you, you don’t have a behavior problem.

You don’t have a homework problem.

Or a sibling fighting too much problem.

Or even a backtalk problem.

Yea. From an outside point of view, I see how it can look that way. And how it might feel that way to you. But that’s not the problem. Your kid’s behavior actually has nothing to do with it. It can feel that way. Oh boy, can it feel that way.  It’s so frustrating. It’s so hard. It’s so messy. It can raise our stress level from 1-10 instantly. But I promise you. It’s not your kids’ behavior that’s the problem.

The problem is you. Bottom line is… you haven’t done the work.

I know that sounds harsh but hear me out. When we don’t work on our foundation, on feeling mentally, emotionally and physically strong and when we don’t have our thoughts mastered, our feelings on point and our triggers in check, then we haven’t done all we can do to show up in the world as the best parent we can be.

It’s not their fault. It’s ours. Our kids respond to our behavior and their behavior is a language.  Am I saying that when our kids explode and are whiny and needy and talkback that it’s our fault? Yes. I’m saying that and MORE. The women that I work with prove one major thing to be true:

When we do the inner work and build a strong, solid foundation, we find the inner peace. The presence. The JOY.

And guess what? No one else changed. Just us.

When we do the work on US, we change our perspective and therefore our reality. When we do the work we can then build anything we want on that solid foundation. We get strong. And aware. And proactive. We start consciously creating a life we really truly wholeheartedly love.

It’s not pretty. It takes work. It’s ugly at first. It’s messy in the middle. But it’s gorgeous at the end. And in the end, we see our kid’s behavior in a completely different light. It’s just a language. Telling us what we need to work on.

Are you ready to do the work? Message me