The Problem With Your Marriage
steffani

The Problem With Your Marriage

I know you already have an amazing life.  I know you’re “happy” most of the time. And that you’re grateful, really grateful for your kids and your life and all you’ve created, so far.  

I also know that you still struggle in your marriage. You feel disconnected at times.  You bicker and fight too much. And you definitely don’t have sex as often as you used to.   

How do I know?  Because I’ve been there.  And because 8 out of 10 women who I coach experience this too.

Your relationship might look okay on the outside.  People think you’re an awesome couple. It might be “OK”, even good, but its not amazing.  You might still love each other, and respect each other but you don’t feel fully connected and as IN LOVE as you want to be.  And basically, even though you have a lot to be grateful for your relationship is not something you’re crazy proud of, not at this point in your life.  

Here’s the problem….

You’re not putting enough energy, attention and focus into your relationship.

You know it.  I know it. And your husband knows it too.  

Sure we can talk about how he’s not romantic anymore and how he should plan date nights and how he comes home after work and just shuts down and watches TV or scrolls through social media.  That’s all real. I get it. But it’s also out of our control. We can’t change anyone else. (Believe me…I’ve tried). Especially our spouses.

What we CAN do is put energy, attention and focus on what we DO want.  On the connection. On the romance. On the love, the kindness, the support, the adoration, whatever it is, we WANT. We can focus on THAT.  And when we do, we create more of it.

Here’s how…..  

We need to build a stronger foundation.  

See after two people have been together a long time we stop meeting each other’s needs.  It’s not intentional. It’s just what happens. We stop showing up for them intimately, sexually, sensually and playfully.  Like we used to. And they stop showing up for us emotionally. Again, we can’t change them. What we CAN do is change our behavior.  We can start showing up, really showing up, giving them their love language daily. (Please tell me you know what your love language is and what his love language is… if not, start there) And filling their bucket with what they need.  That’s how you establish a stronger foundation. And from that strong solid foundation, you can keep building.

Most women come to my programs thinking that they just need to share their frustrations with their husband.  They want to tell him all the ways he is not meeting their needs. And that will change things.

Nope.  That will backfire.  Trust me. Been there.  Done that.

When we work on the foundation.  The daily connection. Giving them their love language.  DAILY. Setting up weekly date nights. Hosting weekly marriage meetings.  Lining up quarterly overnights. (Yes even those) All of that leads to the romance, the intimacy, the love and adoration that you’re longing for.  

It starts with US.  And that’s ok. We were made for this.  Relationships define us. We often feel more genuinely fulfilled when our relationships are flourishing.  

Men are different. They’re from Mars and we’re from Venus. They define their success through their success.  Usually in their jobs and through their financial freedom. But not us. Sure we might like both. And we can have both.  But if there was ONE thing we defined our life by, it would be our intimate relationships. When we do that right. We know we’ve won at life.  

So let’s make them a priority.  Let’s take this relationship, this marriage, and make it the best relationship possible.  Let’s not settle for good, let’s make it GREAT and then ExTRAORDINARY.

Who’s with me?  Are you ready for MORE?

 If you want to discover more ways to up-level your life and relationship, check out this FREE download with lots of tips and tools how you can make powerful positive changes.  It’s called The 5 Worst Strategies High Achieving Women Implement While Trying To Up-Level Their Lives. I won’t just share what doesn’t work (and I promise you’ll relate, you’re probably trying all of them right now) But I’ll also share what DOES work.  And give you suggestions you can use TODAY to move your life forward.

Download the FREE pdf here.

Our relationships are precious.  Let’s treat them that way. And take our whole lives up a notch.  

Loving what is,
Steffani

Living with No Regrets and Leaving a Legacy
steffani

Living with No Regrets and Leaving a Legacy

This last week I’ve been doing a lot of small group coaching.  And a common theme has been creeping in…. regrets.

It’s a word we often don’t reflect on until it’s too late.  I came across an article by John-Paul Iwuoha. The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die. What he shared in the article was…

Bronnie Ware – an Australian nurse and counselor – took care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live.  As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives and anything they would do differently. Of all the responses she got from her patients, she noticed there were 5 regrets that stood out.

These were the most common regrets of her patients:

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

Ouch.  That hurts.  This is a classic case of our head getting in the way of our heart.  The biggest take away from this #1 regret is…If you know what really makes you happy…do it! And if you don’t know what really makes you happy, what your dreams and aspirations are…FIND OUT.  Don’t wait until tomorrow. Heck, don’t wait another minute.  Do. It. Now! Joseph Campbell said it best.  “Follow your bliss.” Stop doing everything else.  And get out there and set the world on fire with your passion and purpose.  It’s never too late. Actually, it is. So do it now.

2) I wish I didn’t work so hard

No surprise here.  We don’t often wish at the end of our lives that we had spent more time at work.  People often wish they had put more focus on other things including their relationships, their health, and their spirituality.  Yep. All those really important things that we put on the back burner. Those things that matter most that we reserve for weekends and holiday breaks.  What is WRONG with this picture? We have our priorities backwards. Let’s turn them around. And start focusing on who we love.  What we love to do.  When we love doing it.  And how often.  That’s a great start.  

3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

Emotional intelligence….wow.  Game changer. This to me means also “I wish I had taken more time to work on ME.” Because when we do the work, we get stronger.  Period. We have firmer boundaries, and we can express our needs. It’s only through our vulnerability that we can truly reach out greatness.  But we don’t explore our edge a lot. We don’t fully trust ourselves or others. There’s a whole other layer to this life that I see most women leaving left unexplored.  It’s our shame. It’s the real, raw, vulnerable truth of how we feel. And that, when exposed can lead be miraculous. It can create doors where there were once walls. Greatness here we come!  

4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

We are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with.  But we often don’t work on it. This is more proof that the Harvard Grant study, the longest lasting study in history was right.  Having close friendships and intimate connections can quite literally determine our success in life.  Not just in life but in every area of our life.  Our relationship, our health, our wealth, our impact.  All of that is affected positively or negatively by our intimate friendships.  Our connections make life better. We need to treat them that way and consciously work on them.  #sisterhood

5) I wish I had let myself be happier

When we realize that happiness is a choice and we put conscious effort into it, that can lead to an incredibly fulfilling life. I also believe happiness is the art of allowing.  There’s a lot more at play here than just joy. When we focus on our happiness we tune in to our deeper desires. But again its something we take for granted. We think it should just happen.  So we don’t work at it. We hustle and work hard and think that will make us happy. If there’s one thing I could shout from the rooftops it would be this… “Master your happiness and you will master your life.”   

So I ask you…are there any REGRETS that you don’t want to die with?

Are you spending too much time working?

Putting work in front of family, friends, relationships?

Are you making money your top priority?  

Are there adjustments you can make in your life to change any of that?  

I think this study proves that living the most rewarding fulfilling life possible is not only necessary, it’s crucial.

Let’s continue the conversation. And see how we can not just live with no regrets but also leave a legacy.

Download my FREE pdf on the 5 Worst Practices High Achieving Women Implement While Trying To Up-Level Their Lives. So you can avoid these common mistakes and take action that really will move you radically forward.   

People don’t like that I’m so positive and happy….
steffani

People don’t like that I’m so positive and happy….

People don’t like that I’m so positive and happy. It triggers a lot of people. And I get it. People are turned off by my Facebook posts. People think I’m ‘way too happy’.

People just immediately check out when they start following me. They think it’s not real. Someone commented begrudgingly the other day “easy for you… your life is so effortless”.  I really do get it. I get how it can seem that way.

What they don’t know is, it took A LOT of work to have this effortless life.

  • They don’t know that I’ve done hundreds of hours of training to learn how to control my thoughts.
  • They don’t know that my husband drank and used drugs for many years in our relationship before finally getting sober? (Not an easy road….)
  • They don’t know that I’ve spent around 20-30K a year on my personal growth.
  • I’ve been to 88 conferences and counting in the last 20 years.
  • They don’t know that I’ve been on a Mediterranean Cruise with Mike Dooley, a Hay House Cruise in the Bahamas. I’ve been to 8 Afests, and 8 Celebrate Your Life Conferences. I did Landmark, the Institute for Self Actualization, Abraham Hicks workshops, Unleash the Power Within, Imago Therapy, The Gift and Lifebook.
  • They don’t know that I’m a trained Enneagram Master, a Passion Test facilitator and a Byron Katie “The Work” teacher.
  • They don’t know that I’ve taken so many online parenting courses I can’t count them all.
  • They don’t know that I’ve read at least 12 books a year for the last 15 years. (And ALL I read is personal growth and empowerment material)
  • They don’t know that I’ve formed and run over 15 mastermind and accountability groups. And have paid to participate in over a dozen.
  • They don’t know that I do affirmations, I work on my thoughts, I meditate, I have a gratitude practice and I visualize. DAILY.
  • They don’t know that I eat healthy, I exercise and I take a shit ton of supplements. DAILY.
  • They don’t know that my son was born 7 weeks early and cried for the first 5 months of his life. (The best lesson I’ve ever had in unconditional love and acceptance. And where I learned my own personal power.)
  • They don’t know that my sister died when I was 11 years old to launch my lifelong journey learning how to move through loss.


This happy life is not effortless. It takes work. But it’s WORTH IT. Because the results are a crazy happy, insanely fulfilling, effortless life.

I no longer believe I need to suffer.
I no longer believe my thoughts of lack or drama or negativity.
I no longer feel unworthy and like I’m not enough.


You can bet your ass that self-destructive behavior is doing 1 arm push-ups in the corner getting stronger by the day. Just waiting for me to let my guard down. But I know I’ve got this. Because I’ve done the f’ing work. So yes, this ‘effortless’ life takes work. And it’s YOURS too if you want it.

You CAN create a reality you love.

You CAN create an effortless life.

It starts with our thoughts.


Creating your NEXT LEVEL LIFE isn’t just possible, it’s PROBABLE with the right kind of support, accountability, and know-how. My Next Level Mastermind isn’t simply a 6 month long coaching program, it’s a soul-searching, goal-planning, and shit-ton-of-action-taking mastermind. We start in May and the time to apply is now.  There’s nothing I love more.

Be effortless,

Steff