4 Ways To Do More Of What You Love
steffani

4 Ways To Do More Of What You Love

About a month ago I spoke at a local women’s guild. 

It might be my favorite thing in the world…. to share the tools that have helped me create more daily happiness with other moms. 

It SETS ME ON FIRE!  It’s that thing I could do ALL DAY LONG and never tire of it. 

I remember the first day I taught a workshop on something I LOVE.  The hours flew by.  I was energized and almost shaking from the inside out.  That’s how you know. 

I didn’t always know.  About 10 years ago I started exploring my passion. I was on a quest to find it.  I hired a coach.  I read books.  I went to meet ups.  I hired another coach.  All in search of my “passion”.  I had NO idea what it was.  Or how to find it. 

The good news is I did find it.  But not through those efforts.  I found my passion by following what I love.  I didn’t discover it like I thought, by searching for it.  I uncovered it by following my bliss.  By doing more of what I love and less of what I don’t. 

It was a lot easier than I thought.  And now I help my clients hone in on what they love, what they’re passionate about. 

Have you ever explored what you love? 

What sets you on fire? 

What could you do all day long and never want to stop? 

What is the #1 topic you’d love to discuss at a dinner party? 

Now we’re talking.  Once you tap into that you never turn back. 

I know what you’re thinking…. “but what if I don’t know?” 

Well I’m here to tell you, you DO know.  You know.  You’re just not tapping into it.   

So many of my clients say they don’t know what they want.  They don’t know what they love.  They don’t know what they’re passionate about. 

I’m sorry but you do!

You might be afraid of it.  You might be out of touch with it.  You might be denying it.  But you know.  Only YOU know! 

If you are one of the many who don’t know what you’re passionate about. 

Here are a few suggestions how you can tune back in. 

#1.  Get quiet

We can’t hear our guidance when our monkey mind is busy chatting about our to do list.  When we get quiet we give our guidance a minute to speak up.  Have you ever sat and asked “what do I love?” “What is my passion?” Ask.  Sit.  Get quiet.  And ask again.  You’ll be amazed what comes up. 

#2.  Look at what you look at

When you read a magazine what are you attracted to?  When you read a book what do you like to read about?  When you travel where do you go?  What are you drawn to?  What’s interesting to you?  What blogs do you read?  What podcasts do you listen to?  A lot of us have clear desires and interests but we just don’t realize they’re unique.  I had a talk with my sisters once many years ago.  We all thought the others were excited and interested in the same things.  I mean we’re sisters.  We have so many similarities and backgrounds.  But we were COMPLETELY different.  Tammi loves teaching aerobics and working out.  Terri loves taking care of kids and playing with babies.  I love singing, acting and speaking.  So different.  Look at what you’re interested in.  Follow that. 

#3.  Look at what you DON’T want

When we feel we don’t know what we want.  We usually DO know what we DON’T want.  So here’s an easy process to look at that, taught to me by my awesome friend Michael Losier. 

  • Take out a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the center of it
  • Write what you’re NOT passionate about on the left side
  • Then strike through each one and write something you ARE passionate about on the right side across the line

This easy process usually draws out a lot of things you DO want and you are interested in.  See what comes up for you.

#4.  Ask a friend

If you have a few close friends I’m 1000% sure they’ll have suggestions for you.  They will tell you where your expertise lies.  They’ll happily share with you what you love to do and talk about.  What you’re great at.  Don’t be surprised if they know before you do.  So check in with them. 

If you still don’t know what you’re passionate about, email me.  I discovered my true passion over 10 years ago and tapped into some more beautiful processes how to help other women do the same.  In just one 90 minute session I can help you hone in on your top 5 passions and set a plan in motion how you can start moving towards them.  Knowing my top 5 passions helped me quit my full time job of over 17 years, start my own business, move into my dream house and travel to more tropical locations than I ever thought possible.  All of that began when I started following my top 5 passions.  I encourage you to do the same. 

Now tell me….what do YOU love? 

I Cry Everyday
steffani

I Cry Everyday

I cry every day….

People who know me will not be surprised to read this. 

But I honestly cry EVERY DAY. 

I don’t cry out of sadness or anger or upset.  Sure I have as many challenges as anyone else in this life.  I have stresses and frustrations and family members who are ill.  But still, that’s not why I cry.

Every day I cry for a different reason. 

I used to feel ashamed of my tears.  My deep emotions.  I wanted to be less emotional.  I used to work at controlling my emotions and tried hard for years to keep my tears in check. 

Until one day a woman in a workshop who sat along side me took my face in her hands when my eyes filled with tears and said “I wish I could FEEL like you do”.

It hit me, that some people don’t get to FEEL all this. 

And I shifted. 

I felt grateful.

And I cried. 

I then decided to let it all out.  To live loud and proud in my tears.  And to share with people why I cry.  I’m sure I still look over emotional.  It might make people uncomfortable.  But at this point in my life, I don’t care. 

I still cry. 

I cry every day.  And here’s why…

I cry because this life is pure magic.

I cry out of gratitude for every breath.

I cry for beauty.

I cry at art.

I cry when I see moments of kindness.

I cry when I hear beautiful music.

I cry when I sing.

I cry when I reflect on life in the shower.

I cry when I say goodbye to a friend.

I cried eating a blueberry muffin at Starbucks once.  That was really really good. 

I cry at commercials.

I cry watching my kids sleep.

I cry when I travel.  When I fly through the air and look out the window. 

I cry when I walk into a church.

My husband jokes that I cry at mall openings.  I have never cried at a mall opening. 

But I have cried at the opening of the Olympics.  And the closing ceremonies. 

And my sons soccer game yesterday.

Basically I cry when I feel connected.  I cry when I FEEL this life.  When I feel alive. 

Unapologetically I cry.  And I look forward to the moments in my day, those vulnerable, beautiful, tear-filled moments where my heart feels so full I can hardly breath. 

When I sip air in through my nose and my eyes well up with tears.  Only to be sucked back in moments later when I compose myself.  It was a moment of sheer bliss.  A moment of REAL life.  To feel alive.  And grateful.  And connected. 

I’ve never counted how many times I’ve cried in a day.  But I might start now.  And I invite you to start with me.  Can we FEEL alive and connected 2 times, 5 times, 10 times a day?  I’m willing to try.

This is LIFE.  This is really living. 

Cry with me. 

Confessions From a Mom of a Strong Willed Child
steffani

Confessions From a Mom of a Strong Willed Child

I yell at my kids.

I’ve grabbed my son, Jack, by the arm and literally dragged him to his room. I have slapped his hand, spanked his butt, and told him I’m moving to California and never coming back.

None of this I’m proud of. It actually haunts me at night. How I, a very peaceful, loving, happy and positive person most of the time, could do this to a child is beyond me. He’s only 6, and this has been going on since he was born. If I saw someone treating their kid this way I would be disgusted. Not only would I judge them harshly, but I would consider calling the police.

I see it a lot, though. And all too often is nothing physical — it’s just verbal abuse. Literally abuse. Recently I looked at a Mom who was berating her son at a hockey game about the usual morning issues, “You had your socks when we left the house. It’s not my job to keep track of your stuff,” she yelled while dragging him by the arm across the locker room. They were obviously late for the game. She slammed him down on the bench and started unpacking his hockey bag by dumping the contents all over the floor. I saw the look in this 9-year-old’s eyes — he was defeated. He looked like a 9-year-old version of my son, almost exactly. I wanted to walk over to her and whisper, “There’s a better way. Don’t do this.” Instead, I looked inside and turned those words back on myself. How can I find a better way when in that moment?

If you have a “strong willed” child at home, which basically describes every kid between the age of 18 months to 8 years old, then you know you’ve been there. it’s not EVERY kid that age, but most of them. You know if you have a strong willed child, and you’ve probably known since the day they were born. A strong willed child can push buttons you never thought you had. They’re the toddlers that run away from you at the park with no fear at all. They’re the kids that drop their pants at a play date just for laughs. Who uses every bad word he knows to get attention from his friends. Who crosses a line if you say don’t cross it.

Right? Do you know what I mean?

My son has a filter up to the words. “Don’t” and “No.” When you say them, he MUST do it. That’s how he’s wired. And I’m sure I was the same way. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my son so hard it hurts. Sometimes I literally want to eat him for breakfast. I can’t get enough of his cheeks and his soft skin and his cute haircut. It’s beyond words. I’m sure you know. And sometimes when I’m putting him to bed at the end of a long day, his strong will is almost blinding me. I want to jump out of the window. I have said more then once, “If you don’t lay down and get to sleep I’m going to jump out of this fucking window.” Yes, I swore at a 2-year-old!

So, when I saw that Mom, spent and furious, treating her kid like a common criminal, I looked within and I asked myself how can I be the best Mom possible to my strong willed child?

And here’s what I came up with… Here’s my REAL confession…

I am not a perfect Mom.

Sometimes I don’t even feel like a good Mom, but I do think my son is perfect. Sometimes he misbehaves, but he’s still perfect. He often doesn’t listen, but he’s still perfect. He challenges any and all authority, but he’s perfect. If there’s a rule, he will break it, but that’s perfect. I’m done trying to make my son someone he’s not. I’m sick of feeling like a bad parent every time his behavior is outside of the norm or makes people uncomfortable. A strong willed child has an enormous personality. That’s a lot to fit in a tiny body. They’re trying to figure this life thing out, right along beside us. Some teachers get it. Most don’t. They’re intimidated by their strength. Camp counselors either love them or hate them.And that’s ok.

The most important thing is that I love him. That I GET him, and that I accept him for the strong willed kid that he is. What I know for sure is that he’ll grow up to do amazing things. Kids with personalities the size of Texas don’t just idle through life unnoticed. They make waves and those waves create a ripple. Last week, he insisted on carrying his teachers chair for her. My heart melted. And he asked a kid over for a play date because he thought he could use a friend. That’s my boy. Now if only I can remember that when I’m trying get him to go to bed. I’m working on it. Until then I’ll remind myself that strong willed children come from strong willed parents, who were typically strong willed children too. I feel they need a LOT of compassion and maybe more breathing room then other kids. Lots of responsibility and tons of love. I’m gonna stop apologizing so much and stop walking on egg shells. I’m gonna be confident and supportive of my son and who he is, in all his perfection.

If you have a strong willed kid at home, join me. What can you do to accept your child and encourage their uniqueness all while loving yourself, too?