steffani

What you can do about BAD NEWS…

This news makes me sick.  

I try not to watch the news but you can’t escape it.  

I woke up this morning with my husband sharing the news of another mass shooting this time in Las Vegas.  And my stomach literally hurts.  I get thrown off my routine.  I feel sad and depressed.  I can’t just ignore these tragedies.

And I know too that it doesn’t help.

No amount of sadness or depression on my part will help end these senseless acts of violence. What will help?  When I pick myself up and get my head back on track.  

So here’s what I do….

First, I feel it… BRIEFLY.  

What we focus on expands, right?  So if we wallow in this misery in this tragedy in this sadness for long we’re only creating more of it.  I try to BRIEFLY feel my feelings over it.  Sending love and prayers to those victums and everyone effected by it.  And then I try and raise my vibration.  That doesn’t mean I ignore it.  I can still bring awareness to mental illness because there’s no doubt that played a key role here.  I can still peacefully voice my opinion on gun laws.  But I want to raise my vibration as quickly as possible if I want to help at all.  

Next, focus on my HAPPY RECIPE.    

We all have things that make us happy.  If the word happy is a trigger for you exchange it for whatever you’d like, inner peace, contentment, joy. Any of those are a step up from sadness and sorrow.  To raise our vibration we need to do what makes us feel good.  What makes us happy.

Do you have a list?

If not, here’s a big bold move you can make to serve the world…. MAKE ONE NOW.

Make a list of all the little and big things that make you happy.

Here are a few things on my list to get you started.

Be outside in nature
Spending time with like minded people
Uplifting music
Exercise
Dark chocolate
Listening to personal development books, podcasts, etc
Jumping on a trampoline (because who can do that and be sad?)
Red wine, specifically Freakshow cabernet #obsessed
Playing catch with Jack
Playing statue with Zoe
Date night with John
The sound of waves crashing on a beach 

I could list 100 more things.  Literally. Once you get started it will flow out of you.  Everyones list is unique.  We might have a few things the same but MANY that are totally different. One of my clients said it made her happy to wear red lipstick.  Clearly she should be putting that on EVERY MORNING.  Especially on days like this.

Now the next step is to focus on that list.  Look at that list like it’s your J.O.B.  Do as many things today as you can on that list. I might not be able to get to a beach to listen to the waves but I could watch a live video of beach waves and close my eyes and breath in the fresh air on my porch and listen to the sound. (Actually I’m gonna do that as soon as I finish this…) I can put on some fun music.  I can exercise and get out in nature.  All of those things I can do TODAY to raise my vibration.

Or I can sit around and be sad and depressed and feel sick.

Which one serves the world more?  

I’m sure you’ll join me in sending love to Las Vegas and the MANY victims of this shooting.  The families, the city, the witnesses all who’s lives will never be the same.  If we briefly feel that, and then focus on raising our vibration we can better serve them.

I’m about to head out the door to workout, in nature, listening to some amazing music.  And return refreshed and renewed.

What will YOU DO TODAY to raise your vibe?  What makes YOU happy?  

Raising my vibe,
Steffani   

PS I still have a few spots left in my Happi Mom Squad.  This is the sisterhood we need at times like these.  If you’re a Mom who feels the call and wants MORE, We start October 8th.  You can find all details here. http://hms2.myhappilife.com/fast-track

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES
steffani

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES

My sister in law passed away yesterday.

She was sick for a LONG time. And she wasn’t a part of our everyday lives due to her choices in this lifetime. But it’s never easy. You always feel a loss no matter the circumstances. She was only 48 years old. What a tragedy. A life ending way too soon.

I’m no stranger to death. None of us are. I’ve lost a sister too.

I’ve done a LOT of work on my own grief. Learning at a young age how to deal with loss is a blessing when you get older.

When. You. Get. Older.

And there’s another benefit. You can help others through it.

Here are some things that came to me yesterday.

#1. Lean in
Sometimes it’s hard to go all in and help when someone dies. I realized recently that I fall back into and feel all the loss in my life when someone else loses someone. At first I want to pull away. I want to say ‘I’m sorry’ and be busy and send a card and move on. I don’t want to be pulled back into that pain. But I realized that pulling away only delays our own healing. And doesn’t help them at all. So now…I lean in. I FEEL it. I cry. I grieve. I tell them how awful it feels and that I know it. I go all in.

#2. Just show up
A lot of people offer to help. “Let me know what I can do”. But when you’re in it. You don’t even know what you need. JUST SHOW UP. Sure send dinners. Drop off cards. Bring food. Give them tickets to a hockey game. Whatever comes to you. And also, maybe more importantly, text them and tell them you’re there. Not just emotionally there but physically there. “I’m at the park down the street, I’d love to take a walk if you’re free. Text me back if you’re available.” “I have a sitter and a reservation at our favorite restaurant. Show up if you can.” “I’m on your front porch if you need a hug”. That type of showing up. Make offers to drive the kids. To take them out. To go on trips. To distract them with the beauty of life. And SHOW UP. It helps. I promise.

#3. Help them be happy
After my sister died people were awkward with me for a LONG time. They wouldn’t talk about her. It was weird to laugh. It felt like the joy was sucked out of life. Like it wasn’t allowed for a while. Laughter and joy can be a fast track back to the normalcy that we’re longing for. Let them laugh. Help them to find that happiness again. What lights them up inside? What do they love? Do that. Don’t be afraid to let joy seep in. Seek it out for them. No amount of sadness will change the situation. You can still encourage them to feel the grief while also share some happiness and laughter.

#4. Be normal
Don’t tread lightly around everything. There’s too much “are you ok?” conversation and that just sets things back. Be YOU. And let them be them. When you can help them get back to a sense of normal without always bringing the heaviness back in they will feel safe with you. And that’s when they’ll FEEL and that’s when they’ll heal. So…Dance. Vent. Eat ice cream. Complain about the weather. Whatever it is you do regularly, do it X 1000. It’s needed now more than ever.

This life is so precious. Sometimes in deep grief we want to give up. But really we have found a new version of ourselves. Anyone who’s greiveing need us now more than ever. When we can really show up, it can deepen our relationship and create a lifelong connection. Besides, who knows when you’ll need them to return the favor? Life is precious. Be there for it.

We’ll miss you Deirdre. You did your best with the hand you were dealt. And we all loved you a lot! RIP.

A Guide To Happiness
steffani

A Guide To Happiness

Happiness. It can be a loaded word for some…

For most of my life, that word seemed just out of reach.

When you’re growing up in a Midwest middle income household.  With 3 older sisters and one younger brother, you basically only wear hand me downs for your entire childhood.  That does not equate to happiness to a pre-teen.  That usually means misery.  Add to that an alcoholic father and losing your sister in a car accident when you’re 11 years old and happiness is like a red balloon that you let go of in your yard.  Never to be seen again.

When I turned 18—the same age my sister was when she died—I realized I had to fight for my own happiness. No one was coming to save me. This was an internal job. It started with me.

My journey to happiness began with a steep but steady climb. True happiness, as it turns out, doesn’t happen overnight.

I took on this mission like a J. O. B. Diving headfirst into the world of personal development, I read every book from Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance to Power Vs Force. I studied every guru out there: Pema Chodron, Wayne Dyer, Neale Donald Walsh, Eckhart Tolle, Oprah. (Oh wow, did I watch a lot of Oprah.)

The climb was long and hard at times, but I found my way to the top of the mountain and even started downhill. (The view, the trees, the easy road ahead! I’d done it!)

Then at 35, I got married to the man of my dreams. Brand.  New.  Mountain.  At 38, I had Jack. He was seven weeks early. And then he cried for six straight months. Zoe came along at 40. And I realized I was only at base camp. There in front of me stood Mt. Everest.

I had to start climbing again…

So, that’s exactly what I did, and what I do. Every single day.

I climb for my kids.

So they don’t have a mom who acts all happy on Facebook but yells at them every night.
I climb for my husband.

So he’s not married to a woman who gets resentful when he works late and punishes him by withholding sex.
I climb for my siblings.

Because they already lost one sibling and don’t deserve to lose another—to anger, sorrow, frustration or stress.
I climb for other moms.

Moms who know deep down that they deserve more and desperately want to go to the edge but are afraid to even venture out of their tents.
The journey isn’t easy. It’s long, hard and treacherous at times. But one thing I know for sure is that we can’t climb alone. We need a team. We need a whole village of sisters to help us up this mountain.

We need Oprah and Deepak and wine. (So. Much. Wine.)

Together, we can uncover what true happiness looks like. Hell, we can even design our own path to get there. We don’t need a map. We need a sisterhood. We need some accountability. We need the right tools, support and some dark chocolate. Then we can master this mountain together, with the right mindset and the right women. That’s the tribe I’m building, with every blog I create.

Because we need to share our wins. We need to own our happiness. We need to find as much joy along this journey as humanly possible. We need to share more of what we DO want. And put some energy, attention and focus on the GOOD in our lives. No more ranting about the rain or venting about our negative spouses. We need to blow up our own damn red balloons and fill our entire lives—our houses, our cars, our minds—with happiness.

We need to take each others’ hands, get to the top of the mountain and shout down over the tiny rooftops: We love our lives!

So, I’m asking you to climb. To climb for you, to climb with me, to climb for your kids, for your relationship, for the happiness that you know you deserve.

Who’s with me?

We start now.

Happi Mom Squad Fast Track – hms2.myhappilife.com