I Never Wanted Kids
steffani

I Never Wanted Kids

I’m ashamed to tell you…

I never wanted to have kids.

I was 38 when I had Jack. And 40 when I had Zoe.

I was afraid I would be a bad mom.

I was afraid I’d yell at them… and I do.

I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to raise them….and I don’t.

I was afraid it would all be too much for me to handle…. and it is.

What I didn’t know was how much I needed kids.

I didn’t know that they chose me. That they were on their way. That I needed them for the progression of my soul. I needed them to show me my weaknesses. And create more strength than I ever thought possible.

I needed them to trigger me, and push me past my limits and stretch me outside of my comfort zone. So that I could expand into the woman I now am. So that I could learn to deal with more hard things and teach others how to deal with more hard things. So that I would finally know what it’s like to love someone to the depths of your soul. So that I would find little things funny again. And jump and skip and play tag again.

I needed them to push my relationship too. So that we would learn how to love each other differently. And how to be together through IT ALL. And I mean IT ALL. Tireless nights with a colicky baby, pneumonia, night terrors, constipation, umbilical hernias and then, bad teachers, bad decisions, broken hearts, more constipation, and homework.

Its only been 9 years and we’ve experienced so much together. These 9 years have felt longer than most. The days can feel so long. Longer than the days I was volunteering in a 3rd world country.

But I’m realizing now that I needed this. All of this. The yelling, the crying, the fights, the homework battles, the tears, the sorrow, the swear words. AND the joy, the laughter, the playing, the sweetness, the kisses the fun.

It all enhances my life more than I ever imagined possible.

And I wouldn’t change a thing.

THE POWER OF LETTING GO
steffani

THE POWER OF LETTING GO

This morning in my meditation I found myself saying..

“Let go!”

It replaced my mantra so I went with it.

And with every exhale… I LET GO!

I let go of the 2 pounds I felt like I gained over the weekend
I let go of the bowls of cereal still sitting on the kitchen table
I let go of the resentment towards a friend who never apologized
I let go of the thought that I should have more of my shit together
I let go over planning
I let go of my negative thoughts about sugar and candy
I let go of control
I let go of my grief
I let go of the fact that my house isn’t perfect but I want it to be
I let go of my fears
I let go of my limits
I let go of the illusion that my kids should be different then they are
I let go of the fallacy that my husband should be more positive and helpful

I let it ALL go.

Its these THOUGHTS that hold me down. Not my circumstances. If I can let them go then I can be FREE.

Simple as that.

What do you need to LET GO of today?

How YOU Can Be Your HEALTHIEST Self
steffani

How YOU Can Be Your HEALTHIEST Self

I used to be a runner. Not growing up, not in my 20’s but in my 30’s I became a runner.

I did the Chicago Marathon, and many triathlons including a 1/2 Ironman.

After 6 years of races and tri’s I decided to hang it up. I literally pictured screwing big hooks in the ceiling of my Lincoln Park apartment and hanging up my bike, my shoes and my wetsuit. I was done! So done!

I never went back to races. Everyone said I would but I didn’t. I still work out. And don’t get me wrong I work out hard. I’m in better shape now than I was then.

And then recently my husband started running. What?! He’s 41 and has never run in his life. Since I love to spend time with him I started running with him. And as you can imagine, a race comes up.

Yesterday I ran my first 10K in ten years. And get this. It was easy. I felt awesome. I had run a few 3 mile runs but that was it.  And I finished in under an hour, with a negative split, feeling great!

I tell you all this to remind myself and you that ANYTHING is possible. We CAN create the health and fitness that we dream of. At ANY age. Stop with the excuses. End the negative self talk. It’s ALL possible.

After doing that yesterday I signed up for a 9 mile race. Why? Because CHALLENGE creates CHANGE. And I want to push my limits and create something new.

My friend Allie LeFevere and I created a great FREE challenge, for any of you who are ready to SHIFT YOUR SHIT and create something new too.  It starts tomorrow Oct. 20th.  We deliver to your email short video content and homework every other day for 10 straight days to help you banish those excuses, limits, negativity and live a life you love again.

I hope you’ll join us…

And let’s sign up for a race together!