How Can I Love You Better?
steffani

How Can I Love You Better?

Quick question…

How often do you show your partner you love them?
How often do you show your kids that you love them?
Do you do it THIS time of year but not every day? 
Do you talk about it openly? Do you know what they need to feel loved?

For me the magic of the holiday season is a great excuse to love on people more.  I give more hugs for no reason.  I tell my friends and family I love them and wish them well and happy.  I write letters of gratitude and give gifts of thanks.  Easy to do this now.  What if we did this ALL the time.  And what if we dove DEEPER into love over the holidays.

Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book Touching Peace that we should look deeply into our loved ones eyes and say “please tell me how I can love you better.”

If you’re a woman talking to a man I’m sure you know the nature of how he might respond. And it will most likely have to take place in the bedroom. Instead of just shrugging this off, really listen for the answer and see how you can meet your family’s needs.

When I asked my husband this question his first answer had something to do with me in a maid costume. Then, when I pushed him for more, he had a few practical suggestions.

“Support me when I have to work a lot. Help me find time to get out and play hockey. Don’t ride me when I’m tired and dismissive, it’s nothing personal.”

Wow. Is that all?

Seriously….aren’t those great suggestions? Are you telling me that if I do those things you’ll feel more LOVED? Then I’m in! Not a problem.

When I asked my friends they said nothing at first then they told me that I can call them more, and I can send them a holiday card. How easy is that? I would love to love them better in that way. When I asked my sister she said, “you can spend more time with me. You can support my dreams.” My other sister said, “you can be more patient with me.” What wonderful information for me to learn about my family.

What if we asked our kids “How can I love you better?” And really listened to the answer. They might have some great suggestions. The answers might have to do with more flexibility or more freedom and maybe that’s OK. They might want to spend more time with you, and that’s OK too. Or they might need you to be more patient with them or kinder with your words. (um, raises hand…) But wouldn’t it be great to know how you can love someone better? Why not ask them and see for yourself?

I dare you, this holiday season, ask your Mom, ask your sister, ask your children. Be so bold to ask your husband or wife and see the beauty it brings.

I hope this holiday season finds you FILLED with more happiness than your heart and hands can hold.

How can I love you better?

Steffani

4 Ways To Do More Of What You Love
steffani

4 Ways To Do More Of What You Love

About a month ago I spoke at a local women’s guild. 

It might be my favorite thing in the world…. to share the tools that have helped me create more daily happiness with other moms. 

It SETS ME ON FIRE!  It’s that thing I could do ALL DAY LONG and never tire of it. 

I remember the first day I taught a workshop on something I LOVE.  The hours flew by.  I was energized and almost shaking from the inside out.  That’s how you know. 

I didn’t always know.  About 10 years ago I started exploring my passion. I was on a quest to find it.  I hired a coach.  I read books.  I went to meet ups.  I hired another coach.  All in search of my “passion”.  I had NO idea what it was.  Or how to find it. 

The good news is I did find it.  But not through those efforts.  I found my passion by following what I love.  I didn’t discover it like I thought, by searching for it.  I uncovered it by following my bliss.  By doing more of what I love and less of what I don’t. 

It was a lot easier than I thought.  And now I help my clients hone in on what they love, what they’re passionate about. 

Have you ever explored what you love? 

What sets you on fire? 

What could you do all day long and never want to stop? 

What is the #1 topic you’d love to discuss at a dinner party? 

Now we’re talking.  Once you tap into that you never turn back. 

I know what you’re thinking…. “but what if I don’t know?” 

Well I’m here to tell you, you DO know.  You know.  You’re just not tapping into it.   

So many of my clients say they don’t know what they want.  They don’t know what they love.  They don’t know what they’re passionate about. 

I’m sorry but you do!

You might be afraid of it.  You might be out of touch with it.  You might be denying it.  But you know.  Only YOU know! 

If you are one of the many who don’t know what you’re passionate about. 

Here are a few suggestions how you can tune back in. 

#1.  Get quiet

We can’t hear our guidance when our monkey mind is busy chatting about our to do list.  When we get quiet we give our guidance a minute to speak up.  Have you ever sat and asked “what do I love?” “What is my passion?” Ask.  Sit.  Get quiet.  And ask again.  You’ll be amazed what comes up. 

#2.  Look at what you look at

When you read a magazine what are you attracted to?  When you read a book what do you like to read about?  When you travel where do you go?  What are you drawn to?  What’s interesting to you?  What blogs do you read?  What podcasts do you listen to?  A lot of us have clear desires and interests but we just don’t realize they’re unique.  I had a talk with my sisters once many years ago.  We all thought the others were excited and interested in the same things.  I mean we’re sisters.  We have so many similarities and backgrounds.  But we were COMPLETELY different.  Tammi loves teaching aerobics and working out.  Terri loves taking care of kids and playing with babies.  I love singing, acting and speaking.  So different.  Look at what you’re interested in.  Follow that. 

#3.  Look at what you DON’T want

When we feel we don’t know what we want.  We usually DO know what we DON’T want.  So here’s an easy process to look at that, taught to me by my awesome friend Michael Losier. 

  • Take out a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the center of it
  • Write what you’re NOT passionate about on the left side
  • Then strike through each one and write something you ARE passionate about on the right side across the line

This easy process usually draws out a lot of things you DO want and you are interested in.  See what comes up for you.

#4.  Ask a friend

If you have a few close friends I’m 1000% sure they’ll have suggestions for you.  They will tell you where your expertise lies.  They’ll happily share with you what you love to do and talk about.  What you’re great at.  Don’t be surprised if they know before you do.  So check in with them. 

If you still don’t know what you’re passionate about, email me.  I discovered my true passion over 10 years ago and tapped into some more beautiful processes how to help other women do the same.  In just one 90 minute session I can help you hone in on your top 5 passions and set a plan in motion how you can start moving towards them.  Knowing my top 5 passions helped me quit my full time job of over 17 years, start my own business, move into my dream house and travel to more tropical locations than I ever thought possible.  All of that began when I started following my top 5 passions.  I encourage you to do the same. 

Now tell me….what do YOU love? 

I Cry Everyday
steffani

I Cry Everyday

I cry every day….

People who know me will not be surprised to read this. 

But I honestly cry EVERY DAY. 

I don’t cry out of sadness or anger or upset.  Sure I have as many challenges as anyone else in this life.  I have stresses and frustrations and family members who are ill.  But still, that’s not why I cry.

Every day I cry for a different reason. 

I used to feel ashamed of my tears.  My deep emotions.  I wanted to be less emotional.  I used to work at controlling my emotions and tried hard for years to keep my tears in check. 

Until one day a woman in a workshop who sat along side me took my face in her hands when my eyes filled with tears and said “I wish I could FEEL like you do”.

It hit me, that some people don’t get to FEEL all this. 

And I shifted. 

I felt grateful.

And I cried. 

I then decided to let it all out.  To live loud and proud in my tears.  And to share with people why I cry.  I’m sure I still look over emotional.  It might make people uncomfortable.  But at this point in my life, I don’t care. 

I still cry. 

I cry every day.  And here’s why…

I cry because this life is pure magic.

I cry out of gratitude for every breath.

I cry for beauty.

I cry at art.

I cry when I see moments of kindness.

I cry when I hear beautiful music.

I cry when I sing.

I cry when I reflect on life in the shower.

I cry when I say goodbye to a friend.

I cried eating a blueberry muffin at Starbucks once.  That was really really good. 

I cry at commercials.

I cry watching my kids sleep.

I cry when I travel.  When I fly through the air and look out the window. 

I cry when I walk into a church.

My husband jokes that I cry at mall openings.  I have never cried at a mall opening. 

But I have cried at the opening of the Olympics.  And the closing ceremonies. 

And my sons soccer game yesterday.

Basically I cry when I feel connected.  I cry when I FEEL this life.  When I feel alive. 

Unapologetically I cry.  And I look forward to the moments in my day, those vulnerable, beautiful, tear-filled moments where my heart feels so full I can hardly breath. 

When I sip air in through my nose and my eyes well up with tears.  Only to be sucked back in moments later when I compose myself.  It was a moment of sheer bliss.  A moment of REAL life.  To feel alive.  And grateful.  And connected. 

I’ve never counted how many times I’ve cried in a day.  But I might start now.  And I invite you to start with me.  Can we FEEL alive and connected 2 times, 5 times, 10 times a day?  I’m willing to try.

This is LIFE.  This is really living. 

Cry with me.