The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die
steffani

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

This last week I’ve been doing a lot of small group coaching.  And a common theme has been creeping in…. regrets.

It’s something we often don’t reflect on until it’s too late.

 

And while reflecting I came across this article by John-Paul Iwuoha.

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

 

What he shared in the article was…

Bronnie Ware – an Australian nurse and counselor – took care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live.   As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives, and anything they would do differently.  Of all the responses she got from her patients, she noticed there were 5 regrets that stood out.

 

These were the most common regrets her patients wished they hadn’t made:

 

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

I think the biggest lesson from this regret is, if you know what really makes you happy, do it!  (Follow your bliss…)

 

2) I wish I didn’t work so hard

No surprise here.  We don’t often wish at the end of our lives that we had spent more time at work.  People often wish they had put more focus on other things including their relationships, their health and their spirituality.  In short…DO….IT….NOW!

 
3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

Emotional intelligence….wow.  Game changer.  This to me means also “I wish I had taken more time to work on ME.”  Because when we do the work, we get stronger.  Period.  We have firmer boundaries, and we can express our needs.

 
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Social life = HUGE!  More proof that the Harvard Grant study was right.  Having close friendships can be SO IMPORTANT.   Make it that way.

 
5) I wish I had let myself be happier

When we realize that happiness is a choice and we put conscious effort into it that can lead to an incredibly fulfilling life.   Safeguard your happiness like it’s a precious treasure!

 

You know I’m a happiness coach right?! (cough cough) #shamelessplug

 

So I ask you…are there any REGRETS that you don’t want to die with?  

Are you spending too much time working?

Putting work in front of family, friends, relationships?

Are you making money your priority?  

Are there adjustments you can make in your life to change any of that?

 

I think these findings prove that living the most rewarding fulfilling life possible is not only necessary, it’s crucial to your happiness.

If you need help, you still have time to join my Happi Mom Squad.  We’ll be working at squelching any and all of our regrets.

Email me…Steffani@myhappilife.com

#noregrets

Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at My Happi Life
www.myhappilife.com


Dealing with loss…
steffani

Dealing with loss…

Jan 19th, 1982 was the worst day of my life. It will probably always be.

My sister who was 18 at the time died in a car accident.

Looking back on that day I realized her death rocked our family to the core.  It tore up our foundation.  We didn’t know how to operate without her in our lives.  The grief was so heavy and dark, I didn’t know if we would ever survive it.

I was 11 years old when she died, my young innocent heart was crushed.  It’s amazing how 1 day can change your life forever.  I prayed so hard when she got hurt.  I promised God EVERYTHING if he left my sister here.  I remember pleading with him and begging him to help her, to help us and to keep her here.  When she died I felt cheated. I felt robbed. And I was mad.

I remember crying so hard every night that I could feel my tears soak through the other side of the pillow.

My parents were divorced, my oldest sister was dead. I felt lost and invisible.  My family was shattered.  Mom was suffering, literally drowning in grief.  What else could she do? A single mom dealing with the sudden loss of her oldest child.  Now with kids of my own, I can only imagine.

It was a dark night of the soul for our family.  I can’t remember how long it took us to breath again.  But we did.  We did breath again.  We even danced.

When you lose a sibling.  Your life is forever changed.  In the obvious negative ways.  A lot of heartache.  Learning about loss so young.  Longing and aching for that life with your sibling back.  Rebelling because life was unfair and God didn’t do as you asked and spare your sister.

But it’s also forever changed in positive ways.  You feel love from friends and family and even strangers that you’ve never felt before.  That you never imagined possible.  People come out of the woodwork to help you and your family overcome this grief.  They feel closer to you because you’re so raw and vulnerable.  New friendships emerge.  You get to experience things you may never have experienced.  You can forever help other people with loss and heartbreak because you dealt with it first hand.

And most importantly you learn to keep your family close.  It can bring you closer together instead of shattering your foundation.

Every Jan 19th we get together, to celebrate the family that’s still here, and to celebrate Traci and the time we had with her.

It’s never an easy day.  But it does help me reflect on how we got through our grief.

If you’re going through a dark night of the soul, keep going.   You will breath again.

Here’s a few tips I feel helped me when going through that tunnel.

#1. Feel all your feelings.

Treat them as gently as possible.  Feel them. Honor that feeling.  And then move on.  Try and climb up the emotional guidance scale.  Don’t try to feel ‘HAPPY’ instantly, just try to feel 1 degree better.

#2. Focus on what you DO want.

Think of the end result.  Think of your life in a few years and play it out in a positive way.  Think of what would be IDEAL.  The peace, the comfort, the love and support. Even the normalcy back again.  Think about THAT and let it pull you there.

#3. Give it away to a higher power.

My favorite prayer.  “Dear God, I release this situation to you, and I know it won’t result in pain, I give it away for you to create the greatest good for everyone involved”. Letting a higher power take over can feel really good.  Sometimes we forget there’s more help out there than we’re tapping into.

#4. Do what makes you feel GOOD.

It’s more important than ever to feel good.  A walk on the beach.  That coffee you love.  Laughing with a friend.  Getting a mani pedi.  Putting on your favorite song. DANCING.  Yes dancing.  Do things that make you feel good.  It will help pull you forward.  It’s sometimes the last thing you want to do but it’s the most important. Remember no amount of pain and suffering changes the past.  So feel GOOD as much as possible.  And the other side of the tunnel will be here before you know it.

And lastly, if you need any support through your loss I’m here for you.

You’re not alone. You will get through this. It does get easier.

Focusing on the good,
Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com

How to recover from an EPIC mom fail …
steffani

How to recover from an EPIC mom fail …

Hello friends,

Recently I booked a special trip with my 8 year old son Jack.  We were going to Cancun, Mexico to meet up with friends of mine and help on a service trip.  We were spending 3 days helping to support a Dad with 3 boys and rebuild their house and their lives.

We were SO excited.  Jack was excited to finally join me on some of my favorite work.  And I was excited for Jack to meet some of the most inspiring people in my life and some of my favorite friends.  For him to be in that energy was a dream come true for me.

I woke up at 5 am, bags were packed, grabbed our passports and O! M! G!   My sons passport was expired!!!!!!

Holy SHIT!

Worst Mom EVER.
Worst day EVER.

Have you ever had one of those epic mom fails?  Probably not as big as this one.  This makes missing Zoe’s first recital because you got the day wrong look like peanuts.  Or leaving the hockey equipment at home when you arrive at an away game look like a slight oversight.  Totally forgivable.

This. THIS was a fail of EPIC proportion.

At first I was just going to stay home with him.  Forget the trip all together. How could I possibly go WITHOUT him?  This was planned for US, not just me.  But I was bringing important equipment down for the experience.  More people shouldn’t have to suffer from my fail.

As the reality of the situation hit me I started to shut down.  I went to the airport, found the nearest bathroom and wept.

Why is this happening?
Did I make the right decision?
How could I let this happen?
Will he ever forgive me?
Will my husband ever forgive me?
How can I recover from this?

I wiped my tears, settled down on my flight and made a plan.

Here’s how I chose to recover from this EPIC Mom Fail:

#1.  Stay in the present moment. 
Thinking about what SHOULD have been or could have been was not healthy.  I had to try and stay in the present moment.

#2. Close your eyes and forgive. 
Beating myself up about it wouldn’t help anyone.  It would only make me frustrated, upset and irritable.

#3. Let it go and TRUST the Universe has a bigger plan. 
Elsa is a genius.  When I let it go I started to see why this was meant to be.  As the days unfolded I realized how much more I could do with Jack not there.  It didn’t make up for the missed experience with him but it did profoundly impact these boys lives in a much bigger way than I could have with Jack along.

#4. Safeguard your happiness.
When I first arrived, even with this plan, I was sulking.  All I could do was look around and think about how much better it would be with Jack there.  How much fun he would have.  How it would impact him.  I had to shake it off and do things to bring myself joy.  A walk on the beach.  Morning yoga.  Laughing with friends.  A margarita the size of my head.  Whatever it takes.  Focus on your happiness because it’s your JOB and your job only.  No one else will.

#5.  Make a new plan. 
I talked with Jack and asked him “what can I do to make this up to you?”  We had an overnight in the city, he got a hamster (ewwww, major sacrifice) and there was a visit to Chuckie Cheese (even bigger sacrifice!!!!)  Jack forgave me.  And we’re excited to plan another trip to go on together.

I hope you don’t ever have a Mom fail of epic proportion.  But if you do follow these steps and you’ll hopefully get on the other side of it a little faster.

Share with me, what was YOUR epic Mom fail? Because we’re all in this together and I could use the camaraderie. 🙂

Loving this life, fails and all,
Steffani