Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem
steffani

Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem

You don’t have a behavior problem. Listen. I know it feels that way. I know it looks and sounds like the one thing you need is for your son or daughter to “behave”. But I promise you, you don’t have a behavior problem.

You don’t have a homework problem.

Or a sibling fighting too much problem.

Or even a backtalk problem.

Yea. From an outside point of view, I see how it can look that way. And how it might feel that way to you. But that’s not the problem. Your kid’s behavior actually has nothing to do with it. It can feel that way. Oh boy, can it feel that way.  It’s so frustrating. It’s so hard. It’s so messy. It can raise our stress level from 1-10 instantly. But I promise you. It’s not your kids’ behavior that’s the problem.

The problem is you. Bottom line is… you haven’t done the work.

I know that sounds harsh but hear me out. When we don’t work on our foundation, on feeling mentally, emotionally and physically strong and when we don’t have our thoughts mastered, our feelings on point and our triggers in check, then we haven’t done all we can do to show up in the world as the best parent we can be.

It’s not their fault. It’s ours. Our kids respond to our behavior and their behavior is a language.  Am I saying that when our kids explode and are whiny and needy and talkback that it’s our fault? Yes. I’m saying that and MORE. The women that I work with prove one major thing to be true:

When we do the inner work and build a strong, solid foundation, we find the inner peace. The presence. The JOY.

And guess what? No one else changed. Just us.

When we do the work on US, we change our perspective and therefore our reality. When we do the work we can then build anything we want on that solid foundation. We get strong. And aware. And proactive. We start consciously creating a life we really truly wholeheartedly love.

It’s not pretty. It takes work. It’s ugly at first. It’s messy in the middle. But it’s gorgeous at the end. And in the end, we see our kid’s behavior in a completely different light. It’s just a language. Telling us what we need to work on.

Are you ready to do the work? Message me

The Key to Body Confidence
steffani

The Key to Body Confidence

I’ll just get right to it.

Don’t compare your 47 with other people’s 27. 
Don’t compare your 47 to your 27 either.

What I mean by that is, the key to having body confidence is loving and accepting your body AS IT IS, RIGHT NOW. In all its’ glory and imperfection. With all its’ lumps and bumps and wrinkles.

I think we get down on our bodies because we’re in constant comparison. With others AND ourselves.

What used to work for me 20 years ago doesn’t work for me anymore. What I could do 20 years ago I can’t do anymore.

And that’s OK. It sure should be ok, it’s been 20 years. And a 47-year-old body that’s had 2 kids should look different than a 27-year-old body. It’s just a fact.

Now I need to be careful with that. I don’t need to accept my body looking worse than I want it to. I don’t need to listen to the bullshit rules out there, like that we gain weight as we get older or that we get weaker or lose flexibility. I don’t need to buy into all that. I just need to fully accept the body that I have in this moment.

At OTF today we ran a PR 1 mile. When I heard we were doing that I got a little nervous. I had flashbacks to my days running races and working with a running coach. I’ve never been a ‘runner’ or very fast, but I used to work at it and now I don’t. It hurts. For me running a fast mile feels like a near-death experience.

But I ran one today. 20 years ago my fastest mile was a 6.40. And wow. I was so proud of that. Holy shit. That was REALLY fast for ME.

Today I thought I’d push myself and try and run as fast as possible. Could I run a 7.30? Maybe an 8:30? All I knew was that I would run as fast for 1 mile as my legs and heart could carry me.

I ran an 8.05. And wow. I was SO proud of that. Holy shit. That was really fast for 47 year old me.

No judgment. No comparison. Just radical acceptance. I have no idea what other people ran it in. I really don’t care. I never even think to look.

Because for me the key to body acceptance is not comparing myself to anyone else or to a younger version of myself.

This is what my body can do NOW. This is how hard I work to constantly improve it. This is why I’m so proud of THIS body.

Now here come the Big Questions/ Bold Answers ladies…..

Do you wish you had more body confidence?
What contributes to your body confidence?
And can you teach me how to take a better selfie? 😆

 

Why Moms Need to Travel …
steffani

Why Moms Need to Travel …

I know this will ruffle some feathers. We’ve all witnessed the soccer field conversations where Moms wear their loyalty like a badge of honor and try and one-up each other about who has gone longer without leaving their kids.  I hate that game, I always lose instantly. I love to travel alone.  And I have two young kids.  So I’ve heard it all.

The judgments.  “How can you leave for that long? Kids need their Mommy”. (Said by my Mom MANY times by the way.)

The passive aggressive comments. “Oh, I could never leave my kids.  I would just miss them too much.” (Oh and I apparently am not as loving is that what you mean?)

And the Moms who long for it.  “God I would love to do that.  Teach me how.”

I’m not here to convert anyone.  Or tell anyone how they should parent.  I’m just here to share my beliefs and to inspire the few who might be longing for more to take action on that desire and book a trip.

I believe that Moms should travel.  IF they’re longing for it.   IF it interests them. IF there are things that they’re really excited about and places they’re dying to visit.

Here’s why I travel…..

I travel to be a better person. 

I mainly travel to conferences and personal growth experiences.  So I mean that very literally. But even when I’ve traveled just purely for pleasure I feel like I grow as a person and as a Mom.

I travel to have time to deeply look at my life.

When I’m away I have new mental clarity for the vision I have for my life.  I always end up texting my husband some deep, meaningful messages filled with gratitude and big dreams and he always comments….”  you’re in your travel state of mind.” He’s right. Because when I’m away and not dealing with all the logistics of parenting I have room to dream.

I travel to sleep through the night without getting up ONCE.

Not much to explain here.  If you have kids….you get it.

I travel to explore new cultures and have new experiences.

My life is enhanced by new experiences and I don’t consider a new store opening or a new movie coming out a NEW experience.

I travel to meet new people who are very different from me.

I have a friend named Juraj from Slovakia. He’s the smartest man I’ve ever know. And really positive. Really happy. Really healthy. We just click. I met him and his amazing girlfriend Jana at a conference years ago.  It’s one of the most beautiful friendships I’ve ever had. We’ve traveled together. My kids adore them. I couldn’t imagine my life without friends like this.  And I feel like I can only meet them when I travel.

I travel to allow my husband the chance to be fully in charge.

When we were new parents, we had a therapist tell us once. “Let your husband have one day a week by himself with your son.” It was the best advice we could have been given as new parents.  It really helped me to let go, and him to step up.  When I travel, I arrange A LOT, spreadsheets, sitters, rides to hockey games.  But my husband also has to do a LOT without me. And that is a good thing.

I travel to be more grateful. 

When I’m away, I long for what I have.  I’m always SO EXCITED to come home. I can’t wait to tackle my kids and fill their bodies with kisses. I can’t wait to tackle my husband and fill him with kisses. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed and drive my car and take a steam shower.  I love my life and am even MORE grateful for it when I come home from any length trip.

Mainly I travel to come back a new ME.    

A new and improved version of myself. Whether it’s an overnight in the city with my girlfriends or 9 days in Kuala Lumpur to teach a program, I return anew. How can I not? New experiences = New reality.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.  I say distance makes me a more patient, tolerant and loving mom.  It helps me have more reverence for this life I’ve created.  Even my son’s bedwetting, even my daughter’s potty mouth, even my Mom’s judgmental comments about my travels. I embrace life in a different way when I get home. And that alone makes it all so worth it.

Now, who wants to travel with me?

Steffani