I’m a happiness coach. Most of my clients are women who are struggling in their relationships. They’re unhappy, and for the most part, they blame their husbands. “He doesn’t listen to me.” “He’s self centered.” “He has a temper.” “We don’t get along.” “He doesn’t appreciate all I do.”

8 out of 10 women I coach would describe their husbands that way or similar. As I see it, it’s our job to safe guard our own happiness. Who someone else is and even what they do to you, or how they treat you, has no effect on your happiness unless you let it.

Women CAN control their realities. We CAN shift our thoughts. We CAN create more inner peace and more daily happiness.

So how can we do this while in a partnership?

In my coaching and in my own relationship I’ve found there are 5 Things Every Marriage Needs to Thrive.

Everyone deserves an extraordinary relationship.  In fact, I think it’s the #1 thing that contributes to a healthy and very HAPPY life.  When our relationship is thriving so are our kids.  We’re better parents.  When our relationship is thriving we think more clearly, we better employees or entrepreneurs.  When our relationship is thriving we create from a more powerful space, we can achieve more then we ever dreamed possible.

Here are the 5 things I’ve found every marriage needs to thrive:

#1. Respect.

Every marriage needs respect. Men need to feel respected. When a man feels respected he’s happier and more fulfilled. When he’s happier and more fulfilled he will cherish his wife. Simple as that. If you want to be cherished respect your man. Ask him how you can treat him with more respect. I’m SURE he’ll answer you.

#2. Time together.

No matter how busy your schedule, every marriage needs quality time. It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary. Sometimes it feels like a chore. And that’s okay. That scheduled one on one time will always lead to a deeper connection, things come up that you’ve been meaning to talk about, you get updates on each others lives. You might even share a laugh. These things don’t happen over text or across town. Spend time together.

#3. Shared interests.

Outside of the kids and your home, every marriage needs some shared interests. Can you workout together? Cook together? Take walks? Play golf? Watch a TV series, that you both enjoy? You might have very little in common. But I’m sure you can still come up with some common interests. Shared interests = more connection. Keep it up.

#4. Sex!

Need I say more? We’re human beings. And men particularly need to have sex. Can you imagine how emasculating it must feel to get rejected by your wife? Many of my clients are withholding sex from their husbands for one or more reasons, usually revolving around not feeling loved or cherished. How can a man love or cherish someone who’s emasculating them and doesn’t respect one of their basic needs? Sex is another deep connector. When you take time every week for a sexy at home “date night”, you’ll both be kinder, softer, sweeter to each other. It’s always worth it and can be a lot of fun. When you get out of your own head and let go of your resentments you might actually look forward to having sex with your husband. Which brings me to #5.

#5. Forgiveness.

Every marriage needs forgiveness. Resentment, upset, frustration can’t exist in the same space as forgiveness. Forgiveness is the expressway to freedom. If you can find it in your heart to forgive your husband for all his shortcomings, you take a big leap towards more inner peace and more daily happiness. When we forgive we find love and gratitude for our partner and in that space a marriage can thrive.