Do we CHOOSE who to love?

I believe every love relationship is a choice.  There’s not “the one” who’s out there for each of us.  There’s a lot of options and we CHOOSE to make someone “THE ONE”.

The amazing Dan Savage spoke at Afest recently and he explained that there are a lot of 8.5’s and 7.2’s and 9.0’s out there.  We choose the ONE and we round up and make that 8.5 our ONE.  Love that analogy.

The power is in the choice.  

Once we CHOOSE that relationship then we need to ACCEPT them, love them unconditionally.  

Yes we can still ask in a loving way for what we need.  We can still hold each other to our greatest selves.  We can still grow together.  Grow individually.  And enhance and improve our lives TOGETHER.  We don’t need to stay stagnant.  We can’t stay stagnant.

I often feel we focus more on how we need our partner to change then we do on our own growth and expansion.  I’m guilty of this too.  When I look at my husband and think about what HE needs…

He needs to be more positive

He needs to pay more attention to me

He needs to be more present

Can I turn all of that around and see how I need to do the same?  YES YES YES.

We buckled ourselves in to this roller coaster ride together.  The ups and downs the steep climbs, the free falls.  ALL of it.  Why would I ever complain about the ride?  Or the price of admission?

If this is what I need to pay to be with him, to go on this beautiful ride, then I am HAPPY with it.  I can accept it, love it, and even be grateful for it.

When I had this revelation after hearing Dan Savage a few months ago I immediately wanted to share it with John.  Instead…. I APPLIED it first.

What’s the price of admission that I pay to be with him?

A temper?  Some negativity?  Him working long hours?  Not being present?  Lack of communication?  The fact that he never cleans up after making his late night PB&J?

If that’s the price of admission I have to pay for this life.  To be WITH HIM and have these amazing kids and go on this roller coaster ride.  Then I’m all in.  Hell yea.

And believe me, he pays a price to be with me.

The fact that I love to travel.  My obsession with personal development.  The supplements and superfoods that take over every cabinet in our kitchen.

PRICE OF ADMISSION.  Is it worth it?  I sure hope so.

So I applied this lesson first.  And started looking very differently at John.  I was more patient with him.  I stopped trying to change him.  I stopped chasing him around the kitchen asking him to clean his shit up.

And THEN I shared this lesson with him.  And explained how it was helping me to be more unconditionally loving and accepting of him.  He got it.  And saw what my price of admission was.

Our LOVE is a CHOICE.  

xxx,

Steff